Short Story Serial: Fourth Installment

It was opening night of the big contest – “Tournament of Heroes,” to be precise. Kicks would have laughed at that, Leonard thought. She would have called it “Auditions for Underpaid, Sacrificial Lambs.”

Leonard had found two willing partners in Chance’s waiting room. One said he was a bouncer and the other was pretty vague, mumbling something about animal control. Since they were the only two willing to team up, Leonard didn’t press for more information. He also didn’t think to arrange any practice time, so here they were, standing outside the entrance to the stadium that would serve as the contest grounds, and he had no idea how this new team was going to work.

“Um, I’m thinking we should at least know about each other’s abilities before we go in there,” suggested Leonard as crowds of excited spectators filed into the arena. It looked like it was going to be a packed venue.

“Yeah, sure. I’m Bouncer,” offered the shorter and rounder of Leonard’s new partners. “And I, well, I bounce.”

“You mean like those guys who keep people in line at bars and nightclubs?” Leonard asked, hoping that was the case. They needed a little muscle, he thought, although Bouncer didn’t look particularly strong.

“No,” Bouncer paused long enough for it to be uncomfortable. “More like a basketball.”

“Ah,” was all Leonard could muster. “Well, I imagine that could be disruptive.”

“What about you?” Leonard inquired of the other member of the band. “I remember you mentioning animal control. Does that mean wild animals do what you tell them? Like lions? We could use something like that.”

“Not exactly,” said the tall and lanky third member of the group, which was followed by another uncomfortable pause.

“Then, what? Exactly?” pressed Bouncer.

“It’s only one kind of animal, and they’re not really wild.”

“Go on,” encouraged Leonard.

“Cows.”

“Cows?”

“Dairy cows, actually. That’s why I’m called Stampede.”

It seemed like there was going to be no end to uncomfortable pauses this night.

Leonard felt compelled to point out the obvious. “Dairy cows don’t stampede.”

“They just kind of meander,” added Bouncer.

Leonard was beginning to understand why Chance told him it was going to be hard to cash in on his abilities, especially since it was also apparent that this team, himself included, fit the classic description of a scrub.

Stampede was starting to feel defensive, so he put the spotlight on Leonard. “Remind us of what you do again?”

“I merge abilities. So, in our case the result would be –”

“Bouncing cows?” Stampede guessed. “Seriously?”

“That’s one possibility,” acknowledged Leonard. “The other would be that Bouncer would, umm, how do I put this?”

“I’d what?” demanded Bouncer, who didn’t think he was going to like the answer.

“You might develop a taste for alfalfa,” admitted Leonard. “I can never be sure which way it’s going to go.”