We Expect More From You
It is the year 2023 and this is what I see from an influencer, author, actor, celebrity I follow…
Translating, the word bechari means destitute/ calling someone ‘poor thing’
Twinkle Khanna would rather thought of as a bitch than be destitute. This post is all sorts of wrong, and the fact that we are in 2023 makes me cringe. To put things in perspective, Twinkle Khanna has 7.5M followers on social media, whereas Brene Brown the TED Talker and Author of multiple books, who talks about vulnerability has less than 5M followers. What Khanna says has reach and impact. Her thoughts on vulnerability as a sign of weakness are regressive. Being able to identify your fears, openly talk about them, relive your trauma, help others by owning your scars and sharing the lessons learned takes courage. Immense courage. Only the bravest can own and be open about their vulnerability.
Khanna is speaking from a life of privilege. She is the daughter of a successful set of actor-parents, grew up wealthy in the most progressive city of India (Mumbai), got into the film industry on the coattails of her famous parents, made a few bad movies, married an up-and-coming actor, quit movies, got a couple books published by Penguin House. She continues to demonstrate that she lives in a bubble. I don’t think Khanna could recognize the S in struggle, or at least that is what she would like us to believe.
The use of the word bitch can have two meanings – bitch as in a malicious woman, or bitch as in a badass. In that post she implied that those of us who are vulnerable cannot be nasty or strong. Anyone who knows me can verify I can be all of the above: vulnerable, vicious and valiant, in the same breath.
Furthermore, she identifies vulnerability as a weakness at a time where many successful Indian celebrities are openly talking about mental and physical health, body dysmorphia, eating disorders, sexual orientation and everything else under the sun. And this has been going on for over a decade from when I first tuned in. Khanna has just aged herself and reminded us of her privilege.
When I published my first book this is what I wrote about my understanding of vulnerability
The first couple of times that I spoke to Dr. Kevin McMullen, I was all joke-joke-laugh-laugh, at the top of my game. Fence off the heart, suppress vulnerability, and use humor as my shield. But that quickly faded, and soon enough Kevin saw me at my worst. I cried at the start of radiation, because I couldn’t get my head around how this could have happened to me. Kevin saw me at my worst. He let me cry, and he was kindhearted. I would always apologize, saying this wasn’t the real me, that I was a much happier person. I told him that I had a wicked sense of humor. Kevin reassured me that he had no expectation of what I should be. He did not need to see an eternal optimist or a jokester. He was there for whatever I needed. Kevin gave me the permission to emote. That went against every grain in my body. I always thought a true hero is someone who endures and doesn’t shed a tear. In actuality, only the brave dare to be vulnerable.
We expect more from you Twinkle Khanna. As a people we have moved long past your regressive views on vulnerability. While this post doesn’t have the reach of Twinkle Khanna I hope those of you reading this share what vulnerability looks like with your loved ones. I leave you with this – the face of vulnerability.
