No wonder I avoid the phone . . .

I have written a series of writing lessons and published them on Amazon–Writing Lessons from the Front. There are 12 books now, and I keep adding to them as I think of topics. But I’m not writing today about the books. I’m writing about telephone support people, God love ’em.

The other day I went into the inner workings of Amazon’s program and changed the categories of those writing books–because Amazon changed their categories. Everything went fine, so I clicked the button that sends my changes to Amazon for review.

Then I got several emails from their reviewer saying, “Amazon only publishes paperbacks and hardbacks. We do not publish calendars, spiral notebooks, etc., etc. Therefore we will not publish your book.” I got this letter for six of the 12 books.

What? They already HAD published my 12 books–in fact, they were live on Amazon at that moment. So I called the helpline. Amazon is really good about having people call you.

So this woman answers, gives me the usual spiel about how it’s a recorded line, etc., and then asks how she can help. I tell her that I think they think this is a spiral notebook (because the back cover shows the spiral of the notebook on the cover), but it’s not, it’s a paperback. In fact, it’s an existing paperback.

“We won’t publish it,” she said. “It’s a spiral notebook.”

“It’s not,” I insisted. “It’s a paperback. I have 12 of these paperbacks–they have a picture of a spiral on the back cover. And you’ve already published it.”

“The customer will think it’s a spiral.”

“No, because the customer will only see the front cover, where there’s no spiral thingy.”

“But then they’ll see the back and have a negative customer experience. You’ll have to remove the spiral.”

“What about the six books you approved? They have the same spiral.”

“We don’t want anyone to have a negative customer experience.”

Sigh. So I hung up, then went online and vented to some friends. “Call again,” someone urged. “Don’t give up.”

So I called again and tried a different tack. This time I talked to a nice young man who was apparently in India.

“Hello,” I said, after giving him my log in information so he could see my books. “I received an email saying that you only publish hardbacks and paperbacks, so you couldn’t publish my book. But you already have published my book, I just wanted to change the categories. Can you see all those paperbacks?”

“Yes,” he said. “I see that it is a paperback.”

“Wonderful! So can you please approve this paperback? I don’t want to have a negative customer experience.”

He hesitated. “I’ll have to speak to my supervisor. I will send you an email.”

Update: I waited three days, then I called again. I kept submitting those six books, and then four of them were approved. Only two remained, and one day one of those was approved. But I kept getting emails about the last book being a spiral bound.

Finally–finally, it was approved. And I don’t know how many hours I spent writing emails or on the phone.

And then . . . oy, what a day . . . Somehow a lot of doctors think my insurance was Florida Blue when it was really Medicare. So I’ve been getting all these bills that Florida Blue didn’t pay (because I don’t have it any more) and one office actually sent me to a collection agency! So I called the collection agency, explained that the bills should have been submitted to medicare, and that my insurance was Medicare with a secondary policy of something I’ll call “United We Stand.” (Not the real name–I feel weird putting this stuff out there).

Anyway–so the guy says, “So you’re now with Florida Blue and a secondary of United Healthcare.”

“No, that’s Medicare and United We Stand.”

“So it’s Medicare and Standard Insurance.”

“No, it’s Medicare and United We Stand.”

“Okay–well, you’ll have to call the doctor’s office and tell them that.”

“Fine. Can you give me the number of their billing department?”

“We’re not allowed to give out numbers.”

“Then can YOU call them and explain all this?”

“Not allowed to do that, either.”

“Then I’ll try to find them.”

“But let me warn you, lady–this will hurt your credit record if you don’t pay up.”

“Look here,” I said, going into Mature Woman mode, “Collection agencies are notorious for threatening people, and I will not be threatened. This had better NOT hurt my credit score because this is not my fault. Have a good day.”

Sigh. So I hung up and googled the doctor’s office and the woman looked for my name, my account number, my date of birth–couldn’t find me. Probably because my file was at the collection agency.

So I ended up writing an email, I explained everything, included every account number, and then let it go. I am praying there is a Mature Woman in that office who can straighten this mess out. If not, I’ll probably have to tell them that I’m having a negative customer experience.

Have you ever experienced this kind of nightmare? How did you maintain your sanity . . . and your patience?