The Sacred Topics I Don’t Write about and Why

You can tell a lot about a writer from what he or she writes.

And, by what they don’t write.

We writers usually write from our experience, expertise, or extreme interest. Most of us avoid writing from our distresses, dilemmas, and doubts.

So, bear with me.

Because, I’m not just a writer. I’m a Christian writer.

And I’m not just a Christian writer. I’m a woman who is a Christian who is a writer. So, what I’m not writing these days would fill volumes, Bunky, simply volumes.

I am not writing about women and ministry. women and the church. women and gender roles. women and #metoo. same-sex attraction. same-sex marriage. women competing with transgender women. transgender women being named “woman of the year” or “Miss Universe.” the women’s vote. women in politics. women’s anything, really.

But why?

There are a host of reasons. Choose any of these and I’d agree:

I already get enough hate mail. (received one just this week)

Plenty of Christians are already covering these topics pretty loudly and thoroughly.

I’m usually in the minority of the minority on these issues. (Seriously, I’m strange that way.)

I’m not sure I’m skilled enough as a writer to say all I want to say succinctly and eloquently.

Over the decades, I’ve skinned my knees enough times on the pavement of these topics. I’ll take a hard pass on more healing scabs.

But, there’s another reason. A bigger one. The real one.

You see, all my life, I’ve listened to preachers and teachers, pontificators and legislators talk about women and God. A handful did it well. Fewer, if I’m honest.

The rest, even ones with whom I agree, speakers of both genders, were so busy explaining the correctness of their position (which was, of course, God’s position, too) they usually forgot they were talking about the lives of actual humans actually wrestling with these issues in real time.

So, from the platform and face-to-face, I’ve heard statements like:

“Well, are you sure you didn’t do anything to invite the inappropriate (fill-in-the-blank). I mean, have you examined your own heart?”

“You know, some women lie about things like that because they need attention.”

“Wow, you write like a man. I mean that as a high compliment.”

“Wow, you write like a man. That’s a problem. Are you trying to write like a man?” (What does it even MEAN to “write like a man?”)

“It’s such a waste for a woman to have the gifts you have.” (Take that up with Chief Designer, Bunky.)

“Have you ever wondered if you were actually intended to be a man?”

“You’re not like other women. It’s so refreshing.” (from both men and women)

“How can you be a woman and even think that way?” (from both men and women)

“You’re grieving the Holy Spirit if you don’t maximize your gifts and go into the pastorate.”

“You’re grieving the Holy Spirit if you try to go into the pastorate.”

We all spout so much nonsense sometimes.

As a writer who has had readers misunderstand or misinterpret what I’ve carefully crafted or twisted it to mean something it isn’t, I can testify to the fact that God’s patience is unrivaled in the Universe. I don’t understand how He doesn’t live in a perpetual palm plant when He listens to us speak on His behalf.

So, yeah, I have opinions about women and the church, gender, marriage, transgender, #metoo, and a host of related topics but the world wide web isn’t always (isn’t usually/isn’t ever) the best venue for conversations about what is sacred.

Gender, relationships, and sex are sacred topics, in my humble opinion. Reading the biblical language around these issues is like standing before a burning bush.

Genesis 1:27 indicates that God made integral to our design a message about what He is like. We can make a mess of His message but when we do, we miss a glimpse of what is holy, of what is Him. “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” NASB

Ephesians 5:31-32 speaks of the profound mystery of the marriage relationship, “‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” NASB

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 states that our bodies are temples, and we all know to demonstrate reverence and humility in temples made by human hands, never mind those created by God. “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?” NASB

But the Bible also clearly characterizes wisdom and Christ-like behavior as gentle, meek, humble, and kind. So much rhetoric I’ve experienced is absolutely none of these and so the delivery often discredits the one delivering and shrouds their entire message with doubt.

“Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom.” James 3:13 NASB

“Let your gentle spirit be known to all people. The Lord is near.” Philippians 4:5 NASB

“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:29

Humans, through our individual and our corporate sins, have mangled and marred so much of the sanctity of what God has created from creation itself to how we use the words He gave us to talk about holy matters like our struggles with gender, sex, and relationships. This is why.

This is why I hesitate to jump into the fray. To what end? I have no expertise except in my own struggles to be the woman He created in relationship with those I’ve encountered using the gifts He’s provided for me to benefit the Body of Christ. And even in my own life, I throw my hands up daily asking Him to help me undo another mess I’ve created without any help from all of you.

Have others hurt me? Yes. That’s the nature of this world. That fact doesn’t testify against a gender as much as it validates God’s point about the power of sin on this outpost of glory. It underscores our need for a Savior who became one of us but lived perfectly, sinlessly, and humbly laid down His life because that was the ONLY WAY any of us will be redeemed.

I’ve hurt others with my words, my attitudes, my careless, selfish, ambitious, self-centered strivings to get what I’ve felt I’ve needed in this life. I’m no one to judge.

And on this blog, I have all the power, to write and publish whatever I want to share and if I choose, to censor any dissent. When we speak here, you have no face and you’re not sitting beside me, the pain of your wrestling, questions, dilemmas, struggles, and failures etched on your face and coloring your tone of voice. It’s too easy for me to speak to the entire crowd and crush you in the process. I know this because I’ve been steamrolled in Jesus’s name, too.

What is holy, what is sacred, what is central to our core identities deserves more than to be discussed through memes, tweets, captions, and headlines. We should face one another. We should wrestle honestly, authentically together with our ugly internal deceptions and His beautiful transforming truth.

So, find me. Reach out. We can talk but we’ll create the space, the time, the relational fortitude, and the commitment to gentleness required for these conversations if any of us is to have hope of healing, of hearing, of heading into a richer understanding of us with God, us with one another, and us alone.

This post probably didn’t help you, which makes my point about why I don’t write about these things.

But, maybe if you see my distress, my dilemma,  and my doubt, you’ll find courage in not being alone. And maybe, you’ll reach out to one other person following Jesus and have an honest, quiet conversation about holy and human things.

It’s really better that way, loved ones. Just try it and tell me I’m wrong.

I would love to hear from you. I reply to every comment and respond to each email. I’ll work to picture your face before I do.

The Sacred Topics I Don’t Write about and Why https://t.co/0k0S7vMlda #Jesus #women

— Lori Roeleveld (@lorisroeleveld) July 18, 2023