Mid-year reflection

If you want a step-by-step guide on how to do a mid-year review, check out my post from 2019 which I think is still an excellent guide. This post, however, will be my thoughts and feelings going into the second half of the year.

Previous intentions

My intentions going into 2023 were really healthy. I wanted to slow down, be compassionate and cultivate a better relationship with myself. Although this year so far has gone well for me, I feel sad that I lost touch with this intention. I don’t feel I’ve done this at all, in fact, it’s the opposite. I’ve rushed and fretted and forced my way through things. I don’t regret the things I’ve pursued or how well things have generally worked out, but I do feel at a loss about the energy I’ve brought into these things and the lack of connection to myself that I felt was really important this year.

What matters

I’m really considering what matters most to me in my life, especially since I no longer have the distraction/focus of university study. I feel called to get a move on and make things happen for myself. Improve my financial situation and life in general. To travel and create and prove myself. To soar, as it were. However, this has manifested in fretting and rushing, which I don’t like.

Motivated and determined, yes. Worried and stressed, no.

I really haven’t known what I want and what’s for the best. Thankfully, the universe is on my side and it has seen that I want to progress and it’s provided me with some options but again, the energy around this has been so overwhelming and murky that I can’t see clearly. Even when given opportunities, I haven’t known what to do.

I still agree with the younger Siana who set her goals and intentions for 2023. I still feel called to slow down and be patient and focus inward not outward. With my life pulling at me externally, do I ignore this calling or do I try to find a balance?

I believe in balance. I value it. The Yin and Yang symbols are on my wrists for that sole reason. However, I feel off balance. I feel that what matters most is finding and adjusting so you keep in balance.

I think that what matters isn’t just what you do, but how and why you do it.

What the next half could look like

In 2020 with the pandemic, I, like many others, had time to reflect and go inward. I felt spiritually aligned and hopeful that year. I enjoyed the space I had with myself. I felt I was on the right path. Since then, I (again, perhaps like many others) feel off track. Less connected.

Therefore, I want this next half to be about reconnection. Severing ties that need abandoning and releasing and mending ties that need healing.

Letting go of:

expectations rushingworryingcomparisonjealousyjudgementcompetitionarbitrary stats and goals distraction

Cultivating:

compassionpatienceawarenessfocusloveslownessjoyfreedomspiritual connectionself-connectionintentionpurposepassionyin

Values and focus

Something I’m trying to do is not force or voice an opinion on something that I have little to no education or personal experience with directly. This is also in the hope that others will do the same! I think a lot of people do damage by forcing an opinion about things that they know nothing about. They may be ill-informed or misled and then spread misinformation. They may see something briefly and think they know the full story. Or they mistake prejudice and ignorance for a valid opinion because they believe “everyone is entitled to their own opinion” and that we have “freedom of speech” which from my experience often translates to “I want to voice my bigoted opinion and get away with it”.

I’m also questioning what and how I post online or partake in social media. I’ve questioned this for many years but with the end of university, I was originally going to focus on building my brand online. Sharing videos about writing, reading, and creativity in general. I also often feel the urge to share my reading stats on Instagram, my yoga progress, my meals, my writing progress.

This begs the question: do I only feel validated in what I’m doing if I post it online? What is the real reason I’m doing it?

I’m not naturally a visually creative person so it’s not like I’m taking beautiful photos or filming aesthetically. So to post on visual platforms feels like I’m doing so because I feel I must, not because I’m actually good at it or exploring that side of my art. I also feel as I said above, that too many people are shouting into the void about their opinions and lifestyles online that it borders on arrogance, ignorance, entitlement, and selfishness at times. So why do it? I’m still unsure about this so I guess we’ll see.

I just really value intention. The “why” behind the things I say and do. Because if you don’t have a valid reason why, you’re prone to veering off course. Sure, life needs room for serendipity and spontaneity but we also need to be active over being passive. Being passive consumers and passive creators is not healthy.

This is just my mid-year ramble, I guess! A lot of things to think about and explore in my personal time for the next 6 months and beyond. I need to rejig my routines, my focus, and my mindset. I need a lot more compassion and patience, that’s for sure. I need to refocus on what matters and stop being so easily triggered and swayed by the external world around me.

Actions for youJournal on the highs and lows of your year so far: what went well, what could have been better, regrets, favourite moments, what needs your attention, what you have enjoyed etcRevisit your intentions and goals you set in January or December last yearSet new goals, focuses, or intentionsKeep asking whyRevamp your life: style, hair, house, car, deskSet seasonal goals: summer, autumn, winter

How did your first half of 2023 go? How would you like the second half to go?

Good luck!

Sincerely,

S. xx