Final Destination: Detention

52. Deadly Detention – Eric Weiner

There’s the couple that get caught making out, the fat girl, the jock, the super nerd, and the smart but shy girl and they all have detention with the alcoholic former Marine teacher who threatened to kill all of them. Somehow, these are also the best and brightest of Harrison High, a school with bars and chain mesh over the windows which also sends everyone to the Ivy League schools. Sure. Totally seems plausible even before they got locked in the school with no doors that open from the inside and no phones.

The slashing ensues first with the super nerd and he ends up in a basketball hoop somehow, which is really quite an impressive way to fall after your throat’s been cut. Always achieving. And that is what it’s all about, achieving. See there’s some sort of prize and they all want to win it and increase their chances of getting into a good school. The fat girl, who jokes about eating and has an anxiety attack and just seems like a walking stereotype based on how she gets killed (No one thought she would live, did they?) needs a full scholarship to go anywhere at all for college.

The popular cheerleader not being able to keep her hormones in check, like, at all, and having a Walkman stashed in her jacket and also being smart enough to get into Yale was a big stretch, so she seemed like a solid red herring instead of a person. The jock who does really good imitations and created one coincidence that made them all think it was totally plausible for their teacher to both drink at school and teach and also kill students didn’t seem a likely killer to me even if he was strong. The cheerleader’s boyfriend who kind of wanted to break up with her for the shy girl seemed annoyed enough missing practice, but, annoyed enough to kill? And then there’s the shy Fran. Is she really shy? Is she one of those quiet ones you have to watch out for?

This is a very simple slasher with some interesting kills and a lot of actions that would never pass muster in a school these days. These days there are cameras, so, the next day they’d know who is still alive and totally not getting an academic award.

 

Ozymandias is well aware that if he ever got detention, it would be because of Danger Crumples leading him astray once more in search of fortune and glory and academic scholarships.

 

I mean, Danger Crumples has a history of getting into trouble of a sort.
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