No Woman Wants to Read A Romance Where the Man Gets Spanked - Right?

Here’s a better question. Why is it assumed a BDSM romance where the male is the submissive is about him being spanked? Or acting like a momma’s boy? Or being a door mat?

Submission is a powerful act of trust. It may manifest itself in lots of fun ways – spanking, restraints, or simply saying “yes ma’am” at the right titillating moments. However, ultimately it’s about believing the Master or Mistress will cherish and respect the gift of that submission, honoring the strength that lies at the heart of it.

Anyone else binge-watch the Alan Ritchson Reacher TV series (based on the Lee Child books)? My hand is up, once, twice—okay, maybe three times now. While the storytelling and characterization in it is awesome, did you find yourself particularly captivated by the relationship between Reacher and Roscoe? As a BDSM romance author, I latch onto power exchange undercurrents, and an undeniable one was happening. All the elements that can make a Female Dominant/male submissive relationship HOT were there.

“What?!” you say. “No way!”

Let me prove it to you, with five awesome scene examples:

ONE: THEIR VERY FIRST SCENE - The look she gives him when he’s brought in for processing, the calm, direct way she issues this ultimatum, sets the tone between them from the beginning. Whereas he’s shown nothing but contempt for the male deputies he’s “allowed” to bring him in, she immediately wins (dare I say “commands?”) his attention.

TWO: REACHER’S PHONE CALL TO HIS DEAD BROTHER’S LOVER - When she wants to talk about their shared memories of his brother, Reacher tries to end the call. Roscoe takes control of the emotional moment and refuses to let him suppress or avoid it. She also frames it in a way that shows him he needs the conversation as much as his brother’s lover does.

THREE: ROSCOE DISCOVERS A BODY IN REACHER’S TRUNK- As she is uncertain of the circumstances that resulted in the bad guy’s death, and with Roscoe being a cop, she lays out her expectations of Reacher, demanding total honesty from him to determine what kind of man she is fighting alongside.

FOUR: WHEN THEY HAVE SEX - Roscoe takes the lead, makes the decision and owns it, but then lets him take over with his strength. She’s not “acting like a man.” She’s being a Mistress, enjoying the pleasures he can give her and immersing herself in them without apology or doubts.

FIVE: HE IS PROTECTIVE OF HER - This is vitally important in BDSM romance. A male submissive doesn’t abdicate the responsibility to care for a Mistress. It’s integral to his service for her. Roscoe gives Reacher holy hell for trying to protect her in a situation where he needed to respect her abilities as a cop. However, this leads to a revelation from him that he has come to care for her, and since he doesn’t have many people he cares about, he acted in accordance with that protective drive.

There’s probably a reason I picked up on this undercurrent so strongly. One of my earliest Female Dominant/male sub stories is Natural Law. It’s about Violet Siemanski, a pint-sized female state trooper, and Mac Nighthorse, a big and muscular homicide detective. When I wrote it, I was following a feeling. I want strong heroes in my romances. Exploring how a powerful man will kneel to a woman who deserves his love and protection, and find a sense of fulfillment in that dynamic himself, is a different walk along the romance path than we usually take. Yet I find it’s equally satisfying when presented right (hence why I’ve binge-watched Reacher three times).

Think of it like a knight or palace guard, serving a queen. He is in her service, giving her his respect, honoring her commands. She has earned his devotion, protection and love. Those elements are offered by every good romance hero, so no surprise, when they are present in a Female Dominant/male sub romance, they can offer the same pleasurable sense of fulfilment.

So next time a BDSM romance where the woman is in charge crosses your path, don’t assume a woman dominating a man in the bedroom makes him less. Think of it as him having a chance to prove just how much it can make him MORE. For her.

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INTERESTING TRIVIA: Did you know Joey was a BDSM romance pioneer in the sub-genre of Dominant heroines? She believed these strong heroines and their alpha male “palace guard” submissive heroes could win the hearts of traditional romance readers. Her book Natural Law (mentioned above) was used for the summer romance reading program at DePaul University, and her paranormal Vampire Queen series (first book The Vampire Queen's Servant: A Vampire Queen Series Novel) “defies every cliché of the genre.” [Night Owl Romance].

She also recommends her most recent contemporary series, Mistresses of the Board Room, for those who’d like to explore the Female Dominant/male sub relationship in BDSM romance. At Her Command is the first book in the series.