Are We Talking Or Conversing?

Without conversation we cannot know another person. When it is absent our interaction with others is superficial. It is true that acts of generosity demonstrate our character, but we must also develop other virtues. We need to go beyond acts to engage in the vital Christian virtue of good conversation. It was a primary tool in Jesus’ and the apostle’s ministries. And yet in the world in general, and sadly, even in our churches, talking is abundant but conversation is rare.

Paul writes to the Colossians to: “Let your conversation be always seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Col. 4:6). He exhorts Timothy to “set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity” (1 Timothy 4:12).

Loving one another is foundational to Christian living. But Christian love is not throwing a few drops of love at others from a distance. Love involves wanting to understand others. That means we will take time to sit down with them and show our sincere interest in them. “Stephen Miller observes in his book ‘Conversation: A History of a Declining Art’ that wit and patience are essential ingredients of a successful conversation. ‘One cannot be a good conversationalist if one lacks a sense of humor…equally important is being a good listener.’”

Conversation will involve much listening combined with the asking of gentle questions that show a real interest in learning about the other person’s story and thoughts about issues.  

As Facebook has demonstrated not all discussions are healthy. Paul warns us to be kind and thoughtful in our speech. Avoid “foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels” (2 Tim. 2:23). I find that hard because I love a good argument, what I would, tongue-in-cheek, call, a discussion. Paul goes on to point out to Timothy, “The Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful” ( 2 Tim. 2:24).

Even crises need patient discussion of issues rather than dogmatic bromides thrown like hand grenades into a group. The church’s first major crisis, the care of Greek widows, was only resolved after “much discussion” (Acts. 15:7).

We may have passionate views about issues that we want to express. But we are told that “those who disagree successfully have five positive interactions for every negative one, even while they are arguing.” (Quotations and the background for this post has been drawn from an article, “Truth, Love & Social Media” by John Koessler in the Nov. 22, 2023, Cty Today magazine.)

Lord, please help us to revive the Christian art of godly conversation!

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