How to Mentally Prepare for the Holidays
With the holidays quickly approaching and “Black Friday sales” promotions already starting, now is an appropriate time to get into that dreaded discussion that no one likes to have but is often needed. Let’s face it. For many people for many reasons, the holidays can be flooded with emotions—not all good. Depression and anxiety top the list.
In my profession, one of the most valuable lessons I have learned is that it is far better to be proactive than reactive. This is not groundbreaking news. Most people are aware of this; yet, very few put it into practice. Instead, they ho-hum along and are seemingly surprised when a disaster that could have been prevented strikes. Others may comment, “I knew it would turn out this way.” Yet, they fail to intervene to avert the undesirable outcome. One reason they may not take steps to intercede when it comes to what I will refer to as their “holiday mental health” is that they either believe there is nothing that can be done or they do not consider the holidays as something that requires mental preparation. However, there are things a person can do that will help to manage holiday stress and sadness.
1a. Identify triggers. Make a list of things (and this includes people) that usually elicit strong emotions. Note the word strong. Not all triggers are negative. For example, when I hear The Temptations’ Silent Night on the radio, I automatically feel Christmas has begun. I’m going to assume the reason for this is that each year without fail I would hear this song when my father who I lost many years ago played Christmas music as he assembled the Christmas tree or when we drove around town looking at Christmas lights. It wasn’t until a few years after my father’s death that I realized I had made an association between the two. It’s nostalgic and fills me with happy memories. But it also can bring lots of sadness as the feeling of never celebrating another Christmas with my father is brought to the surface. It’s a wound that never heals but has become tolerable. Knowing this song to be a trigger is beneficial because now if I hear it and my mood begins to dip, I do not have to question why. I then force myself to only focus on the happy memories and not dwell on what no longer will be.
1b. People triggers. Previously, I mentioned triggers could be people. A close friend has a relative who every holiday season brings drama. Sure, some people have rotten luck, but some people set themselves up to have issues that they spread like a virus to others. One incident that happened with my friend’s relative has continued to stick with me despite it having occurred several years ago.
It began when the relative decided that carrying a large purse while shopping was a safety risk. This was a valid concern. However, her solution was what was problematic. Instead of transferring everything she needed into a smaller crossbody purse, she decided to carry her large purse with her. When she arrived at the stores to shop, she placed her oversize purse in the trunk, removed her wallet and cell phone, and carried the items. In the store, she placed the items in the area of the shopping cart where a child would sit. (I bet you already see where this is headed.)
After checkout, she forgot to retrieve her wallet from the cart. By the time she realizes it, she’s halfway home. Instead of returning to the store, she continues home crying and distressed. Now, the situation is bad at this point, but the relative makes it even worse. First, she doesn’t want to return to the store or even call them to see if a good Sarmatian has returned her wallet. Second, all (not one or two) of her credit cards and identification information (including a spare key to her car and door) are in the wallet.
Logic dictates the first steps to be taken are to cancel credit cards and call a locksmith. But she doesn’t know her credit card company’s contact information. Then, she doesn’t want to call, as if she’s not an adult and can’t speak with a customer service representative. So, my friend calls for her, and of course, for security reasons, the credit card people can’t disclose information to her, and my friend is put in the position of having to act like a translator. What should have taken possibly a half hour ended up taking hours. It was my friend who called the store (multiple times) and who eventually went there (also multiple times) to search through the lost and found for the wallet.
Third, the relative is crying that she has no money to finish Christmas shopping. She’s waited until the last minute, and it’s the weekend. Banks are closed, and she can’t retrieve cash from the ATM. Therefore, my friend ends up having to give her money.
Fourth (and I’m skipping a lot), as relatives arrive to visit for Christmas, the relative has to retell her tale of woe to any and every visitor. As each gift she’s given is opened, she goes into her spill of “I would have gotten you something better, but my funds were limited.” Each receiver felt guilty for accepting.
Now, if you’re thinking this was a mistake that could happen to anyone, you’d be correct. It was the exacerbation of the initial incident that was the biggest headache. However, this relative complains of having “memory problems.” She mostly complains about this when it’s convenient for her. But let’s play devil’s advocate. Anyone who has mild memory issues engage in practices to assist his/her memory (e.g., making lists, setting phone alerts, etc.) The relative could have easily taken a smaller purse or put the cards she needed in her pocket. She chose not to do either. But aside from that, once the incident happened, she decided to assume the victim role and passed her responsibility on to someone else. It’s this last part that makes her a trigger for my friend. This relative constantly and consistently does these types of things, especially during Christmas. She makes bad decisions, cries about it to anyone who will listen, and has someone else clean up the mess. It is tiresome. It is stressful. It sucks the joy out of a room. When this relative appears, I instantly see the mood change in my friend. It’s one of dread… of “what happens next?”
One way to deal with “people triggers” that are negative is to avoid them. However, as most people know, this frequently isn’t possible. Therefore, reducing your time spent with such people would be the next best option. If the time can’t be limited, a good trick is to anticipate what antic they will pull and change your behavior to prevent it. In my friend’s case, she would tell her relative to give her money and she would do the gift shopping. Of course, the relative didn’t like the gifts, would buy more, and not gift the ones my friend purchased. This created more drama when the relative would go into a sob story about not having money (alluding to the reason for not having funds due to my friend spending it on the gifts she didn’t give). This brings me to the next point.
2. Options. Have plenty of options and alternatives. In the previous example, if one couldn’t avoid the trigger, the next option was to limit contact. If that didn’t work, the next option would be to use the rule that the best indication of future behavior is past behavior. Anticipate what will happen and change the environment to make the behavior less favorable. If that fails or isn’t an option, perhaps not responding in the way desired. For example, if a child is having a temper tantrum for attention, selective ignoring works well. The child fails to get attention and wears himself/herself out from the tantrum. Once the tantrum as ceased, the parent may then impose a timeout, take away a privilege, etc. The methods that a person chooses to use is individualized. The key is to have many options.
3. Healthy eating. This may seem like a cop-out answer to so many things, but a balanced diet can go a long way in dealing with stress. If a person is running off sugar and caffeine, he/she may not have the mental or physical energy to deal with challenges. During the holidays, there are so many food goodies to be had, and no one is saying to forego them. However, having healthy snacks throughout the day can boost mental stamina and cognitive clarity.
4. Exercise. This works for many of the same reasons that eating healthy does. Exercising increases endorphins, and research indicates that endorphins can reduce stress and aid in coping.
5. Adequate sleep. Sleep has long been linked with mental health. Anyone who has been deprived of sleep can attest that it frequently makes thinking cloudy and functioning difficult. The most mundane daily tasks may seem like Olympic-size challenges. Lack of sleep may increase or worsen feelings of depression and anxiety. The holidays may bring about mounds of stress. Getting adequate sleep can help combat stress allowing a person to tap into effective coping skills.
6. Perspective. This is critical. Repeat the following. “Something will go wrong. It’s just a matter of what and when. Not everything can be controlled. Not everything will be perfect, and it doesn’t have to be. Everything will be okay.” So often, we have expectations that are over-the-top and excessive. We take on far too much and blame ourselves when we do not reach the high levels we’ve set. But instead of trying to cross an ocean by walking a tightrope, we can take a boat to cross a river. By simplifying tasks and taking small steps, we can reach the same heights and goals.
7. Organization. I heard someone say that having lists eliminates the need to think because all one needs to do is follow what’s written. While that kind of sounds like zombie-like behavior, it does have a ring of logic to it. A to-do list can organize what needs to be done and when, yielding a degree of confidence that nothing will be forgotten or overlooked for the Christmas dinner, gift shopping, or planning the family holiday get-together. Having confidence that all is taken care of certainly can reduce stress.
8. Environment. Surround yourself with happiness and avoid isolation. Every now and again, employees, where I work, are asked to complete a job satisfaction survey. One of the questions asked what employees liked best about his/her job. A coworker responded window. She explained that at her previous job she had worked in a windowless space with not the greatest lighting. According to her, most of her coworkers were either somber or rude. The walls were painted a dull gray. “When the holidays rolled around, the complaining began. The secretary never wanted to decorate, which entailed placing decorated wreaths on already hung hooks and taping received Christmas cards from other departments to the breakroom door. If someone suggested playing a holiday game like Dirty Santa or Secret Santa, there would be all sorts of grumbles. Because everyone else was such holidays Scrooges, it put me in a grinch mood.” This is a classic example of why it is important to surround oneself with positivity.
9. Limiting alcohol. This isn’t always a favorite since there are many holiday parties that serve adult libations. In fact, some parties (looking at the dreaded office party) liquor may seem like the only savior to get through the evening. But alcohol is a depressant. And if we’re honest, who hasn’t had alcohol as the culprit of making a bad decision. Tossing alcohol in the mix of the holidays may add to issues rather than alleviate them.
10. Reason. Always keep in mind the reason for the season and what it means for you. The Hallmark movies are just that… movies… fakes. In the real world, the holiday season may be filled with bumps and hurdles that cannot be solved in ninety minutes. You won’t wake up with flawless hair, and your ugly sweater will never be as cute as the ones on television. You are not required to celebrate in any way other than how you want. Do as much or little as you choose. It’s your choice. What about the holidays makes you happy? How do you want to celebrate? Who will you spend time with? What is your reason for celebration? Answering these questions can make the holidays smoother.
That does it. What did you think? What is your take on the subject? Do you agree or disagree? Did you find this information helpful or informative? Did you learn anything new, or did it change your opinion? Let me know your thoughts in the comment section. Also, let me know if you would like me to cover more of these types of topics or dive deeper into this one. If you like this post, please click the like button and share it. Your feedback allows me to know the content that you want to read. If you’re not following me on Creole Bayou blog, what are you waiting for? There’s always room at the bayou.
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When a college hockey player needs the help of an attractive older attorney, he gets more than he bargained for when trying to sort out the troubles in his career. Falling in love was never part of either man’s plan, especially as Corrigan’s and Sacha’s lives should never have collided. Now they’re left questioning if they’re standing in the way of the other’s future goals, or if there’s room for redirection.
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