Why Cross Fit Might Be More Dangerous for Your Marriage than Facebook

Fifteen years ago, there was a lot of debate about “friending” old boyfriends and girlfriends on Facebook. I heard many tales (I don’t know how many were verified) of old boyfriends and girlfriends getting reconnected and starting an affair. The debate seems to have quieted down a bit, perhaps because it seems that as many people are leaving Facebook as they are joining it.

While writing Making Your Marriage a Fortress, I came across some fascinating research that makes Cross Fit seem even more dangerous than Facebook.

David and Terri Sumlin put on near-weekly retreats through Marriage Life Ministries. What makes their retreats different is their use of marital adventure programs that elevate the participants’ heartbeats. Renowned psychologist and relationship expert Dr. John Gottman has demonstrated that elevated heartbeats (95 beats or more per minute) put our brains in a heightened state of emotion, which leads to a more meaningful conversation during or immediately after the activity, which gives a couple a better chance of creating a positive memory. That’s why David and Terri like to use strenuous activities or even scary ones (like high wire obstacle courses) after a time of teaching. The elevated heart rate creates a new vulnerability that can foster a new connection.

When David told me that “We have counseled many couples with infidelity, and about seventy percent of the time the affair is between a spouse and a cross fit or gym trainer, especially for the wives.” I reminded him of Gottman’s research that he had shared with me earlier.

Both of us looked at each other and said, “Of course!”

Continue reading this blog over on Substack HERE.

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