Discovering a New Self-Care Comfort Zone, Part 2

In my last blog post, I wrote about how old entrenched behaviors had locked me into poor self-care. My lifelong habits were fraught with tension, compulsivity and so much anxiety. Yet, mercifully change happens.

But it’s not always easy. 

True self-care requires tuning in to our deepest selves, and becoming intimate with the small, neglected person inside.

Yet that tender inner soul is often left waiting patiently for our To Do lists to finally end, which they never do. Instead, we must take action to turn things around.

So how do we actively change things up to embrace a new self-care comfort zone—especially when initially, at least, it seems so very selfish to slow down and think of ourselves.

The key is to become comfortable with discomfort, and to massively trust the process. Which is easier said than done. To that end, here are some steps that c anyone who’s uncomfortable with self-care can take to get the ball rolling.

(PS. You’ll know if you’re uncomfortable with self-care because you never seem to be able to make time for it.)

Practice slowing down a little. From time to time, stop yourself and walk more slowly somewhere. Or eat more slowly. Or drive more slowly. Notice if everything you do feels like a race to the finish line…then breathe. And slow it all down.Dare to do nothing. Or just stop and breathe and sit there from time to time. Don’t pick up your phone. Don’t chatter to whoever is nearby. Force yourself instead to notice your breathing, to tune in to yourself. Sit there quietly and close your eyes. Feel the air on your skin. Be in the moment…and feel your whole system relax.Tune into what you need. The highest form of self-care is to ask yourself the question, ‘What do I need right now?’ and then focus on getting it. Or even getting clear if you have no idea. Our needs are always there, patiently waiting for us to tune in and pay attention.Make a plan, big or small, to take care of your needs. Once you’re clear on what those needs are, start to take steps. It’s easy to observe a need and then get carried away by other responsibilities. So the moment becomes lost and your needs continue to be unmet. Instead, write down three steps you could take, then actually schedule them into your day. They don’t have to be big—just proof that you’re taking your needs more seriously.Ask for support when needed. If this sounds familiar, it’s because I talk about it a lot. Seems we always need reminding on this key self-care tool. Others are here to help us one way or another when the going gets rough, whether it be a friend who is game to help our or an entire support group of people who have the same needs. Support can come from unexpected places… I did a podcast about how to actually make this happen here.Consider having your own Board of Directors. Or at least a few reliable, objective friends or even professional advisors (coaches, financial advisors, etc) who’d be willing to listen and give you honest feedback. Having at least two people you can regularly get input from is beyond valuable. Share with them anything that causes you pressure in life. My own BOD are two dear friends who’ve seen me through IRS audits, major renovations, and managing tricky moments with friends and family. Truly invaluable… even life changing!Give yourself adequate resources. Sometimes we have big plans and sterling goals, but we haven’t actually gotten, say, the money together to make them happen– or perhaps not enough money. It could be we don’t have enough sleep generally, so we’re dragging too much to proceed. Or maybe we haven’t allowed ourselves adequate time to make such shifts, expecting everything to magically fall into place tomorrow. Magical thinking and bad planning do not support us. Instead, they are like invisible trip wires that sabotage our efforts. Where have you skimped on resources to help you surrender to self-care?Be willing to be uncomfortable. I’ll say it again. Discomfort breeds growth. Whether it forces you to acknowledge something that no longer fits, or stretches you in new, vulnerable ways to get what you need. You CAN trust the slightly uncomfortable process that brought you here, and will take you forward… if you can just get out of the old trusted comfort zone. Expect to feel selfish from time to time, or resentful, or exhausted. You’ll feel like quitting sometimes. But hang in there. Take the leap—and you will be rewarded!And keep this in mind: Each step taken, however uncomfortable, just makes the next step easier. Keep on going, friend.

You can do it!

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