By Degrees

To make your marriage a fortress against this common challenge of busyness, it’s crucial to remember that relational estrangement happens slowly, by degrees. Shortly before I turned fifty, I moved to a new state (Texas) and essentially started working two jobs. Since I was a recent empty nester, my work hours could go way up, and they did. The Texas climate wasn’t as conducive to running off my sweet tooth indulgences. No surprise, I started gaining a little weight.

Just a little. Maybe a quarter pound a week. 

But a quarter pound a week becomes a pound a month. A pound a month becomes twelve pounds in a year. Twelve pounds in a year becomes twenty-five pounds in two years. 

I woke up one January 1st, stepped on a scale, and saw a number I’d never seen before. “What just happened?” I asked.

Nothing just happened. Something did happen slowly and steadily. 

Relationally, estrangement is just like that. You’re a “little” too busy. You start watching a “little” more television. You spend a “little” more time apart. You have a “little” less time having sex. You spend a “little” more time with the kids or at your job than you do with each other. You slowly, with glacier like determination, grow a “little” more apart. 

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