Turn the Light Off

“Oh, can you turn the light off?” she asked Billy, after they climbed into bed.

“No.”

She certainly didn’t expect that answer.

It seemed like a fair enough request.

Was he joking?

Of course, she didn’t really know him as much as she might have thought. This was only their third date. But he certainly didn’t strike her as much of a jokester. He had a sense of humor. But not like that.

“Seriously?” she finally asked.

“Yeah. I am.”

Up until then, she was excited to have finally found someone who didn’t immediately come into her life waving a red flag. But she also knew that sometimes, the flags are kept folded out of sight, before they gradually unfold themselves.

It was always only a matter of time. She preferred the ones who displayed their crimson flags right away, as not to waste too much of her time.

In short, the endless stream of disappointment that had been her dating life was just so…exhausting. She had grown tired of it.

But she had a feeling that Billy would somehow be…different.

She was the first to admit that she wasn’t perfect herself.

She had plenty of red flags of her own. She was by no means perfect. She was the first to admit that.

But how early did she reveal her warts? She really wasn’t sure. She was the one who usually did the dumping.

The trick was finding someone who could not only tolerate your flaws, but barely even notice them…if at all.

Flaws were one thing, of course. Red flags were often another. Though, there was often an overlap.

 She wasn’t naïve to think that Billy was perfect.  Nobody was. But he certainly seemed like an upgrade above the endless stream of other suitors.

She certainly didn’t expect…this.

Like most of her date, she met him on a dating site. Unlike so many guys, he didn’t come on too strong. In fact, it seemed there was no hint of flirtation at all in their initial text exchanges. He just seem genuinely interested in what she had to say, which was a rarity. At least, in her experience. She also really loved enjoying what he had to say. Of course, it helped that she found him very handsome, though if  a guy was interesting, or funny, or creative enough, she could get past looks…to an extent.

Aside from the general lack of flirtation, there was also the absence of the superficial “getting to know you” stuff. The stuff that felt more like a job interview. With Billy, they both started with the very core of one another’s essence and allowed the superficial stuff to reveal itself organically, rather than a stilted, forced way.

They had prolonged,, stream-of-consciousness tangential conversations across the spectrum that seemed to flow with seamless transition from topic-to-topic. This more than made up for the lack of flirting, too. In fact, the way she saw it, their deep conversations were flirting. And she was excited to see how it would transpire in the real world.

As it turned out, very well.

After nearly two weeks of intense texting – the kind that makes your fingers and wrists sore – she was surprised that he hadn’t actually asked to take her out yet. But she would remain patient.

And sure enough, he finally came around to ask her to meet for coffee.

Most guys asked for a drink.

Naturally, she analyzed this to death:  

Did he not drink, or was this part of some grand gentlemanly strategy?

She tried not to overthink it. At the end of the day, she was certain he would turn out to be a creep and/or jerk like all the others. In fact, she was so tired of it, she nearly deleted her dating apps entirely, on the heels of so many first (i.e. last) dates and bad experiences. But like every gambler, she couldn’t help but think that just maybe, next time, she would get lucky and hit the jackpot.

And then came along Billy.

In fact, she felt so confident, she decided to respond to his invite for coffee with a request of her own:

“How about a drink?”

 “Even better!’

She usually wasn’t this assertive. But it was something she had been working on.

Drinks soon became dinner plans.

Their first date went beyond well, ending with a cherry on top in the form of a sweet kiss on the side of her mouth        

Along with the promise of a second date (which was pretty much a given from the start of their date).

On their second date, they made out, but didn’t go all the way.

Later that night, she invited him into her bedroom.   

“Oh, can you turn the light off?.”

“No.”

“Please?” she asked.

If he wasn’t joking, she was hoping to diffuse the situation.

“I said no.”

 She suddenly regretted inviting him into his bed. Because if this was his idea of a joke, it had quickly worn out its welcome. And it wasn’t a joke, then he was planting his red flag at the worst possible time.

Perhaps she could just tell him she wanted to go to sleep. She was hopeful he would respect that.

Was he really going to let such a simple matter get in the way of what had otherwise been a spectacular evening? On the heels of two other amazing dates.

She would give him one more chance to right this ship – if it wasn’t already too late.

“Why not?” she finally asked, forcing the issue.

“I like to see everything.”

“But I’m really self-conscious,” she countered, once again exercising newfound assertiveness. “But I do have a night-light!”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “But the light has to stay on.”

Okay, now she was beginning to get creeped out.

What kind of guy would risk not getting laid over a stubborn refusal to keep a fucking light on?

This guy apparently.

She thought about asking him to explain his intentions, but her growing concerns about his stability made her not want to make a bad situation potentially worse.

“Maybe we should just go to sleep.”

“Seriously, because of a stupid light?” he asked, offended.

“I should be asking you the same question!”

  “You are so beautiful. And I want to be able to see you.”

Perhaps had it been his room, it would be different. But this was her room. Her rules.

Lights out, put out.

No lights out, no put out.

But he wouldn’t back down, showering her with compliments about how beautiful she was and how she deserved to be “both seen by the light and bathed by the light.”

This is the exact same sort of bullshit men say when they are trying to get what they want. Only, the disconnect here was that she was already willing and ready to let him have it.  

 Was.

So, what gives?

At this point, it no longer mattered.

Light on, or light off, it was too late.

“I think you need to go,” she finally declared.

“Please. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come across in such a bad light.”

Was she jumping the gun?                 

Should she give him a second chance?

After all, he really did seem like a great guy.

Was she really going to throw it all way over something as trivial as this?

She should be asking him.

Deep down, she knew she could never recover from this. She couldn’t help but feel…violated.

Perhaps she would give him another chance.

But just not tonight.

Maybe it was time to give up on dating altogether.

She was tired of all the disappointment and all the too-good-to-be-trues.    

At first, it seemed as though he was going to refuse to leave, but then he finally got out of bed.

“I had a really wonderful time,” he said with no trace of irony or cynicism.

“Me, too…until, well to be honest, this whole light thing is really weird.”

“Do you want to know the truth?”

Oh boy.

“Of course.”

She braced herself for what she assumed was going to be a bullshit answer.

And the answer she got threw her through a major loop.

“I wouldn’t normally admit to this. At least not this early on. But I like you. A lot. And, well…”

She waited on pins and needles.

“I’m afraid of the dark.”

She froze, unable to begin to even process this.

“Are you serious?”

“I am.”

She wasn’t sure what was worse: if this was truth…or a lie?

He looked so pathetic and vulnerable that she couldn’t fathom it being anything other than the truth. So much so, that she considered inviting him to stay.

And who was she to judge, anyway? She still didn’t let her limbs dangle her bed, out of fear that a monster would eat them. And truth be told, she was always a little bit afraid of the dark, which was a secondary reason for having a night light.

Nobody is without quirks and flaws, beneath their shiny veneer.

But sometimes, you just have to know when to fold ‘em.

He knew it. And she knew it.

“Guess I’ll get going,” he finally conceded. “Again, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be sorry.”

He then headed out the door with his tail between his legs.

Into the dark of night.

 As she lay in bed, she regretted not letting him stay. If only to talk. Or, maybe watch a movie. He really didn’t do anything wrong, especially after his explanation.

Again, she could always give him a second chance.

Another date.

But there wouldn’t be.

There rarely ever was.

She took care of herself, then drifted off to sleep.