A Lesbian Couple: To Have or Not Have Children?
Alice: If you love me so much, why do you hate the thing that’s most important to me? Why can’t you love a child?
Eve: (speaking hesitantly) The reason I can’t love a child is… motherhood disturbs me, if I’m honest. The idea of some urge in me changing my personality and making me love things I hate is disturbing to me. In fact, I can’t think of anything more horrifying than loving a creature that can’t do anything and treating it like it’s more wonderful than everyone else. It’s like getting a virus that would make me give up research so I could pursue a career at McDonalds.
Whenever someone says they’re going to have a child, I lie when I tell them congratulations. All I can think about is the fact that they’re pushing a stranger into my world and I’m going to have to accommodate that stranger, regardless of whether I like it – regardless of whether she is lovely or some gobby lad with ADHD...
And it never matters to mums whether their babies are intelligent and interesting. Sometimes it feels like when babies turn into wonderful people, that’s when mothers are truly disappointed. That’s why when I hear mums talk about how much they love their babies, I actually feel sad for them. Babies can’t do anything and they get more love and devotion than the kindest, wisest adults. That may be necessary for the survival of our species, but to me…it’s just tragic. It’s a flagrant injustice. And instead of treating it like that, people worship it like it’s some sort of tear-inducing miracle. That’s disgusting to me… in fact, it’s not even disgusting. It’s de-humanising and degrading and I hate it. I hate it with all my heart.
Alice: (incredulous) Are you fucking mental?
Eve: Maybe I am… I don’t know.
Alice: (shocked) This is all because of your childhood! It’s because you actually hate all children! This is coming from such a wounded place of pain in you, I can feel it.
Eve: I’m sorry but this is just how I feel. I know motherhood is necessary and I know it can be done in a healthy way. I don’t condemn anyone for doing it. I just think it should be done for the right reasons.
Alice: Then why do you hate it so much?
Eve: Because it’s not just. It’s not based on what people deserve. Love for babies is your body pulling love in all the directions it doesn’t naturally go.
Alice: But Eve, for most women, it does naturally go in those directions. You’re the one that isn’t natural. I love you but technically, you’re the one who’s more like a freak of nature. It’s not women who love being mums.
Eve: (sighing) Some women are like me. Some women don’t want to be mums, but very few have the courage not to cave in and be like everyone else. That causes a lot of guilt and pain in the world.
Alice: Women don’t cave in, silly girl. They realise there’s no alternative. Women can’t choose their identities any more than you can choose not to be gay.
Eve: (definitely) That’s nothing but extremist bullshit, Alice. Motherhood needs to be a choice! For it to be a choice, you have to be able to say no. It’s not healthy if you can’t say no! It’s coercive.
Alice: Then why are women always encouraging each other to have children? Especially women like you who have doubts?
Eve: Because we live in a patriarchal society where women are socialised to think of motherhood as some kind of obligation, something that makes you decent and feminine. It’s backward and reactionary.
Alice: But if what you’re describing is patriarchy, wouldn’t it be men who think of motherhood as an obligation?
Eve: (thinking hard) …I don’t know, maybe it’s like a twisted dance between men and women. Women are expected to be hot and put out and subordinate themselves to men in most areas of life. In exchange for that, women act like pushy little bitches when it comes to procreation.
Alice: (giggling) You think men benefit from letting women act like pushy little bitches?
Eve: I don’t know. Maybe women put up with being bullied as long as they’re allowed to bully someone else.
Alice: But in this case, isn’t it normally men who women bully? Men who are hesitant about becoming fathers? Men who wait too long before the eggs dry up? Men who won’t commit?
Eve: Maybe it is. Maybe men allow themselves to be bullied.
Alice: (trying hard not to laugh) So, you’re saying men allow themselves to be bullied by women in order to keep the reins of power? Like, women allow men to control society in exchange for being able to push men around at home?
Eve: (sighing) …I can’t think of any other reason women are such bitches about babies. I’ve never met a man who gave a fuck about whether or not I got pregnant. It’s always been women. It’s women who won’t shut up about it, not just you...
Alice: Well, that could be because women are naturally more compassionate than men. We don’t want other women to suffer, especially if some charming stranger convinces them they could be happy living in a “family of two.”(mocking Eve).
Eve: (with disgust) God, I hate that shit! I just wish women had kids because they wanted to be parents. I wish it wasn’t some fucking purification ritual, where new mummies have to give impassioned speeches renouncing the emptiness of childfree life.
Alice: But that’s how women feel, Eve. After their babies are born, they feel like not having children is a form of self-harm.
Eve: (with contempt) Yeah and those twats never stop telling me how much I’m hurting myself by putting off pregnancy. I wish I could smack them sometimes. I hate having to explain myself to those fucking bitches. I’d love to just–
Alice: (interrupting) Those bitches are the reason you’re here! That’s why your mum tricked your dad: so you could be here with me! That’s a good thing!
Eve: It’s not a good thing, Alice. I hate the fact that I’m here because a man who never wanted to be my father was tricked by my mother. Sometimes I think about killing myself just to punish her for that.
From My Novel 'Love Before Covid', 2021.
Eve: (speaking hesitantly) The reason I can’t love a child is… motherhood disturbs me, if I’m honest. The idea of some urge in me changing my personality and making me love things I hate is disturbing to me. In fact, I can’t think of anything more horrifying than loving a creature that can’t do anything and treating it like it’s more wonderful than everyone else. It’s like getting a virus that would make me give up research so I could pursue a career at McDonalds.
Whenever someone says they’re going to have a child, I lie when I tell them congratulations. All I can think about is the fact that they’re pushing a stranger into my world and I’m going to have to accommodate that stranger, regardless of whether I like it – regardless of whether she is lovely or some gobby lad with ADHD...
And it never matters to mums whether their babies are intelligent and interesting. Sometimes it feels like when babies turn into wonderful people, that’s when mothers are truly disappointed. That’s why when I hear mums talk about how much they love their babies, I actually feel sad for them. Babies can’t do anything and they get more love and devotion than the kindest, wisest adults. That may be necessary for the survival of our species, but to me…it’s just tragic. It’s a flagrant injustice. And instead of treating it like that, people worship it like it’s some sort of tear-inducing miracle. That’s disgusting to me… in fact, it’s not even disgusting. It’s de-humanising and degrading and I hate it. I hate it with all my heart.
Alice: (incredulous) Are you fucking mental?
Eve: Maybe I am… I don’t know.
Alice: (shocked) This is all because of your childhood! It’s because you actually hate all children! This is coming from such a wounded place of pain in you, I can feel it.
Eve: I’m sorry but this is just how I feel. I know motherhood is necessary and I know it can be done in a healthy way. I don’t condemn anyone for doing it. I just think it should be done for the right reasons.
Alice: Then why do you hate it so much?
Eve: Because it’s not just. It’s not based on what people deserve. Love for babies is your body pulling love in all the directions it doesn’t naturally go.
Alice: But Eve, for most women, it does naturally go in those directions. You’re the one that isn’t natural. I love you but technically, you’re the one who’s more like a freak of nature. It’s not women who love being mums.
Eve: (sighing) Some women are like me. Some women don’t want to be mums, but very few have the courage not to cave in and be like everyone else. That causes a lot of guilt and pain in the world.
Alice: Women don’t cave in, silly girl. They realise there’s no alternative. Women can’t choose their identities any more than you can choose not to be gay.
Eve: (definitely) That’s nothing but extremist bullshit, Alice. Motherhood needs to be a choice! For it to be a choice, you have to be able to say no. It’s not healthy if you can’t say no! It’s coercive.
Alice: Then why are women always encouraging each other to have children? Especially women like you who have doubts?
Eve: Because we live in a patriarchal society where women are socialised to think of motherhood as some kind of obligation, something that makes you decent and feminine. It’s backward and reactionary.
Alice: But if what you’re describing is patriarchy, wouldn’t it be men who think of motherhood as an obligation?
Eve: (thinking hard) …I don’t know, maybe it’s like a twisted dance between men and women. Women are expected to be hot and put out and subordinate themselves to men in most areas of life. In exchange for that, women act like pushy little bitches when it comes to procreation.
Alice: (giggling) You think men benefit from letting women act like pushy little bitches?
Eve: I don’t know. Maybe women put up with being bullied as long as they’re allowed to bully someone else.
Alice: But in this case, isn’t it normally men who women bully? Men who are hesitant about becoming fathers? Men who wait too long before the eggs dry up? Men who won’t commit?
Eve: Maybe it is. Maybe men allow themselves to be bullied.
Alice: (trying hard not to laugh) So, you’re saying men allow themselves to be bullied by women in order to keep the reins of power? Like, women allow men to control society in exchange for being able to push men around at home?
Eve: (sighing) …I can’t think of any other reason women are such bitches about babies. I’ve never met a man who gave a fuck about whether or not I got pregnant. It’s always been women. It’s women who won’t shut up about it, not just you...
Alice: Well, that could be because women are naturally more compassionate than men. We don’t want other women to suffer, especially if some charming stranger convinces them they could be happy living in a “family of two.”(mocking Eve).
Eve: (with disgust) God, I hate that shit! I just wish women had kids because they wanted to be parents. I wish it wasn’t some fucking purification ritual, where new mummies have to give impassioned speeches renouncing the emptiness of childfree life.
Alice: But that’s how women feel, Eve. After their babies are born, they feel like not having children is a form of self-harm.
Eve: (with contempt) Yeah and those twats never stop telling me how much I’m hurting myself by putting off pregnancy. I wish I could smack them sometimes. I hate having to explain myself to those fucking bitches. I’d love to just–
Alice: (interrupting) Those bitches are the reason you’re here! That’s why your mum tricked your dad: so you could be here with me! That’s a good thing!
Eve: It’s not a good thing, Alice. I hate the fact that I’m here because a man who never wanted to be my father was tricked by my mother. Sometimes I think about killing myself just to punish her for that.
From My Novel 'Love Before Covid', 2021.
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