Poor Mojo's Almanac(k) Classic issue #170 (published March 11, 2004): "Snorkeling with Ophelia."

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Poor Mojo's Almanac(k) Classic issue #170 (published March 11, 2004)

Snorkeling with Ophelia.

Giant Squid: Notes from the Giant Squid: His Name, It Is My Name, Too?

by the Giant Squid. . . Of the occasion, I acquire much of the shame at the general slow and petty pace of my answering of queries, and become much motivated to seek and "put to the bed" those the most griefsome in their neglect. In this process, Rob sorted through the queue, occasionally intoning: "How 'bout this, Lord A.", or somesuch similar thing, and then dictating his finding. It was as such that the above, the question at hand, came once again, after its long hiatus, to my attention.

And, of course, I dismissed it out-of-manipulator as frivolous in the extreme. We continued on, but were soon distracting by the revelation of distressing temperature irregularities within the core of chief lab technician Sang's Easy-to-Bake Oven, and our attentions were thus engaged for the remainder of the night.

But Rob, having of the spirit and spunk, did persist.

"This is a good question, man," he did repeat, a-throned in his cubicle before his computer monitor.

"Leave me to be, Rob! There is a grave ill in Sang's Easy-to-Bake oven, and I shall resolve it!" But little rest and respite could I acquire— let alone the proper time and solemnity of silence for the due consideration of Sang's most sadly disfunctioning appliance— for Rob would not quit of his taping upon my tank's glass, holding there-against a papered printing-out of this question above, so deceptively simple and straight-to-forward. . . .

Fiction: Dancing Lessons (part 8 of 8) by William Starr Moake The special Christmas experience happened a year and a half ago, but it seems like a century ago for some reason. I still think about it a lot because I know I discovered an important truth. Even though things didn't work out between Pauline and me, I don't want to hate the world. There's too much of that going around and I don't want to be part of it. This is the only world we have and if we all end up hating it, the world will turn into hell. Sooner or later I have to find someone or something in the world to love as much as I loved Pauline. If I don't, I'm afraid my whole goddamn life will be a waste. . . .

Poetry: The Second Coming by William Butler YeatsTurning and turning in the widening gyre

The falcon cannot hear the falconer;

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,

The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere

The ceremony of innocence is drowned;

The best lack all convictions, while the worst

Are full of passionate intensity. . . .

Rant: Pop Quiz apperently by Molly Reynolds' Elder Nephew's Science Teacher1) Bullet A is shot from a high-powered rifle held parallel to the ground at a height of 1 meter. At the same moment, bullet B is dropped from a height of 1.1 meters. Which bullet strikes the ground first?

2) At what distance from the shooter will bullet A land? (assume the muzzle velocity is 110 m/sec and disregard air friction. Please show all work. Continue on back if necessary.)

3) A bullet enters a skull through the forehead and exists through the back of the cranium. Using what you know of the Laws of Conservation of Energy and keeping in mind the material properties of rigid solids and colloids, what direction to expect the head to move? (Hint: You'd be surprised.)

4) Janet arrives home to find her husband of fourteen years in flagrante delicto with the greasy haired pool-boy . . .