Peer Pressure
When it comes to peer pressure, I posit that the best example of this is found in church. You feel like all eyes are on you.
Are your children behaving well enough? Is your dress modest enough? Will they ask you again why your husband isn’t here? Did you confess all your sins to be able to partake in communion? Should you have watched that movie Wednesday night even though it had sex and cussing in it? Was God’s wrath angered when you pretended not to notice the homeless man with a sign on the freeway exit ramp? Is it proper etiquette to wear cologne at church or does that come off as desperate and Tinder-esque? Do you hug the guy at church as usual or refrain because he’s newly divorced? Do you drive the new car to church or is that too showy and may cause others to covet and stumble in their own walk? Do you put money in the offering tray or not because you give online – but others don’t know that. Do you lift your hands even though you feel uncomfortable doing so? Do you sit down because you forgot breakfast but no one else is sitting down? Do you ask the pastor about his interpretation of that scripture or is that out of line to even suggest he took it out of context? Do you lie and fake speaking in tongues so that others will believe you have been baptized in the Holy Spirit and you can continue to go to your favorite church or do stay quiet and receive the looks of condemnation from others? Do you put your arm around your significant other or would that make the singles feel uncomfortable? Do you not put your arm around your significant other and if you don’t, would others think you’re having problems in your relationship? Is it inappropriate to smile during the sermon at the person you would like to get to know better? Do you stay after church and if so, how long is an appropriate time? Is it wrong to check the football scores on your phone in the pew? Do you have to confess that self-love act from the other day or can you take that to your grave and if so, will God send you to hell for it? Should that mother be nursing in the pew even though she’s covered up or are the suckling sounds arousing the men here? Does the pastor absolutely have to change his voice, tone, cadence, and volume while he’s behind the pulpit because it sounds so fake and is that bad to be thinking those thoughts of a man of God? Are these shoes too high for church? Is that watch too fancy? Why is the volume turned up on that one singer and no one can hear the others – pride? Is the rainbow sticker on that car in the parking lot for God’s covenant after the flood or to support the LGBTQIA+ community? Is it bad to show up intentionally after the announcements and worship songs? How far do you want to drive after service to avoid running into members of your church at lunch?
So many questions, judgements, shaming, self-shaming… the scriptures that support some of these toxic thoughts do not help matters. The pressure from yourself and others to behave a certain way and to expect certain behaviors from others is nothing short of torturous. Who made these rules? Was there ever a religion – pagan or not – that didn’t have a “high place” that people went for praises, worship, offerings, and what makes bible believers think that their “church” isn’t one of the “high places” mentioned in scripture?
These weekly obligations to show up and perform are eerily similar to the gossip halls of high school. Depending on your attendance throughout the week, one may be tied for hours logged to their education. Between the bible studies and the baked good for potlucks, the strain to appear holy (but humble) leaves many feeling over-stimulated in the presence of so many others and criticized even if not a single word was spoken. You’re always wondering if you measure up to everyone else and especially in the eyes of God.
What greater waste of time and energy than to keep the sheep in a constant state of panic? Weekly meetings of virtual self-flagellation to keep one in line, keep one feeling guilty for their thoughts and actions, rinse, and repeat.
Are your children behaving well enough? Is your dress modest enough? Will they ask you again why your husband isn’t here? Did you confess all your sins to be able to partake in communion? Should you have watched that movie Wednesday night even though it had sex and cussing in it? Was God’s wrath angered when you pretended not to notice the homeless man with a sign on the freeway exit ramp? Is it proper etiquette to wear cologne at church or does that come off as desperate and Tinder-esque? Do you hug the guy at church as usual or refrain because he’s newly divorced? Do you drive the new car to church or is that too showy and may cause others to covet and stumble in their own walk? Do you put money in the offering tray or not because you give online – but others don’t know that. Do you lift your hands even though you feel uncomfortable doing so? Do you sit down because you forgot breakfast but no one else is sitting down? Do you ask the pastor about his interpretation of that scripture or is that out of line to even suggest he took it out of context? Do you lie and fake speaking in tongues so that others will believe you have been baptized in the Holy Spirit and you can continue to go to your favorite church or do stay quiet and receive the looks of condemnation from others? Do you put your arm around your significant other or would that make the singles feel uncomfortable? Do you not put your arm around your significant other and if you don’t, would others think you’re having problems in your relationship? Is it inappropriate to smile during the sermon at the person you would like to get to know better? Do you stay after church and if so, how long is an appropriate time? Is it wrong to check the football scores on your phone in the pew? Do you have to confess that self-love act from the other day or can you take that to your grave and if so, will God send you to hell for it? Should that mother be nursing in the pew even though she’s covered up or are the suckling sounds arousing the men here? Does the pastor absolutely have to change his voice, tone, cadence, and volume while he’s behind the pulpit because it sounds so fake and is that bad to be thinking those thoughts of a man of God? Are these shoes too high for church? Is that watch too fancy? Why is the volume turned up on that one singer and no one can hear the others – pride? Is the rainbow sticker on that car in the parking lot for God’s covenant after the flood or to support the LGBTQIA+ community? Is it bad to show up intentionally after the announcements and worship songs? How far do you want to drive after service to avoid running into members of your church at lunch?
So many questions, judgements, shaming, self-shaming… the scriptures that support some of these toxic thoughts do not help matters. The pressure from yourself and others to behave a certain way and to expect certain behaviors from others is nothing short of torturous. Who made these rules? Was there ever a religion – pagan or not – that didn’t have a “high place” that people went for praises, worship, offerings, and what makes bible believers think that their “church” isn’t one of the “high places” mentioned in scripture?
These weekly obligations to show up and perform are eerily similar to the gossip halls of high school. Depending on your attendance throughout the week, one may be tied for hours logged to their education. Between the bible studies and the baked good for potlucks, the strain to appear holy (but humble) leaves many feeling over-stimulated in the presence of so many others and criticized even if not a single word was spoken. You’re always wondering if you measure up to everyone else and especially in the eyes of God.
What greater waste of time and energy than to keep the sheep in a constant state of panic? Weekly meetings of virtual self-flagellation to keep one in line, keep one feeling guilty for their thoughts and actions, rinse, and repeat.
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