Ministry and Depression: Unexpected Highs and the Reality of Lows

I deal with depression.

I know, happy way to start off my first blog post of the year. But it is a messy reality that I have been learning to navigate for the last several years. In that time I have learned how different circumstances might impact me. For instance, physical fatigue, lack of sleep, and consistent stress are can create a playground for depression. On the other hand, completing tasks, taking adequate times of rest, and intentional solitude (not isolation) can help pull me out of dark places, aiding in a healthier mindset.

Yet even as I know more now than I did when I was first diagnosed, I still don’t have it all figured out.

For instance, how do I talk about this with others? On the one hand, I have found that being open about my struggles has a number of positive benefits. For one, bringing depression into the light robs it of some of its strength. Also, in the times I have spoken publically about my mental health, I have seen it as a benefit to others who can relate in how they struggle.

Yet I have also learned that not everyone can handle such a raw discussion.

In speaking openly there have been times I have received the, “Oh…well we all have some depression don’t we?” Or the even more egregious “Have you tried doing things you enjoy or just choosing to be happy?” And yes, I have even gotten the dreaded, “Can’t you just pray it away? I mean you’re a minister, you’re supposed to have the joy of the Lord!”

Look, I know many of these individuals were well-meaning. Yet such responses are as helpful as shouting to someone stuck in the bottom of a well, “Have you just tried pulling yourself out?”

Since first recognizing my depression for what it was in 2015, I have had some wonderful freedom-inducing conversations where others have been able to see God work in my life and begin to get the help they need. These instances have been the awe-inspiring moments that help me see a living example of Romans 8:28 played out before me.

I have also had raw, honest discussions with people I felt very close to about how dark things were for me…only to have them then disappear from my life. These are people I believed, at the time, would be lifelong friends…only to have them disappear when things got too real.

Yes, to put it lightly, depression sucks.

And yet…even in something as messy, ugly, and complicated as depression…there have been times I have been able to thank God for using it for His glory.