When the Good Things Happen

Sometimes it’s nice to see the positive outcomes of everything I’ve been working on and healing from. I’ve already written about having my debut book of poetry accepted for publication, and I’m honestly still reeling from that. I’m continuing to revise, to edit, to change the order of my poems so that the manuscript is ready to be published. It’s a process I’m loving, even though it has been challenging. All changes are entirely up to me to make based on the feedback from my editors, and I am trying to remain as true and honest to my work as I can be while also keeping myself open to suggestions.

The first two weeks of my second masters program are complete and I am absolutely enthralled by my classes. The reading assignments, the engagement with fellow classmates, and the discussions in the forums have been wonderfully edifying. There’s a real community among the students in this program that I didn’t feel as strongly in my M.F.A. And maybe that’s not quite fair – there are several people from my M.F.A. program I consider myself close to, writers whose opinions and perspectives I respect. I think this new program feels different because it’s not focused on creative writing, and we’re reading the same assignments as our classmates. There’s more engagement, more conversation, more of a critical dialogue surrounding our reading assignments.

And on top of this two gigantic, amazing things, I’m on the verge of being able to announce something else that has simply filled me with excitement and anticipation. Sometimes I need to remember to take the time to really sit and revel in the wins, the victories, the good moments. It’s been a hectic week at work and that has meant a lot of exhaustion and stress, so taking even just a moment to really think about the good things that are here and those that are coming is soothing. Exciting. Inspiring. Motivating. Simply amazing.

I’m still healing from a lot of things, especially since certain people continue to lie about me on their social media. But then I remind myself that no one I respect, care about, and trust believes the things they’re saying about me. And if spreading lies about me makes those two people feel better about themselves, then I can live with that. It’s not an easy thing to ignore. It’s not an easy thing to continue to let happen. But that’s the thing with narcissists: nothing you do is ever right, ever good enough, ever their responsibility. They project their own faults and failings onto you, create a false narrative to try and control how people see you, and then throw a fit when you call them out on it. This is the pattern that has played out with them for years now, and it’s not going to change.

So I’m choosing to look at the good. This year has been and will continue to be a year of leveling up. 2020 and 2021 were years of massive healing, and now I’m finding myself feeling more grounded, more sure of myself, more confident, than I ever have been before. It’s not just a mantra I repeat to myself, it’s starting to feel like a real change in how I see myself. And fuck, it feels so good.

Be on the lookout over the next couple of weeks for my big announcement because I can’t wait to tell you all what’s coming next for me.