After Week One of My First Semester of my Second Graduate Degree

Week one of my second graduate degree is done.

I’ve done a lot of reading of texts that I’d never heard of before, including one by the same man who taught Queen Elizabeth I (Roger Ascham). This week we’re reading In Praise of Folly by Erasmus, a man I have wanted to read for quite a long time. He was a peer of Sir Thomas More, and the two of them (while deeply imperfect humans) were revolutionary for the time because they both taught their daughters the same lessons they taught their sons. It was not uncommon at the time for girls to be taught hardly the basics of reading and writing (even daughters of nobility were sometimes barely literate), and nothing at all of mathematics, science, politics, religion, etc. Those were the masculine pursuits. So for two such prominent figures as Sir Thomas More and Erasmus to teach their sons and daughters the exact same subjects, was pretty incredible.

Moreover, reading these writers in the context of understanding the movement of humanism is basically a personal goal of mine. I’ve been buying all the texts I don’t currently have so that I can return to them later and read them in their entirety. Not only am I fascinated by and completely enthralled with the literature of the Renaissance, but I have always wanted to better understand humanism, especially because I have such complicated feelings about some of the prominent figures within the movement (namely Sir Thomas More and Niccolo Machiaveli). More, a man I both respect and dislike, called himself a humanist, upholding compassion and mercy and, as I understand it, anti-war, and yet he was responsible for murdering many non-Catholics while he was Chancellor to King Henry VIII, burning them at the stake for heresy.

I’m simply tingling with anticipation to reread these texts and discuss them with my classmates. It just feels good and right to be in this program, challenging myself and moving forward in my goals to rebuild my life. The more I read, the more I understand myself and my needs. The more I write, the more I feed the spiritual parts of myself. It’s a journey I hope I can always pursue and work on. Especially now that I’m only a few months away from being entirely self-sufficient, it feels like I’m really – finally – at the place I hoped I would be when I left my ex. I’m still healing, I’m still learning, and I’m still managing my mental health, but I can see the changes. I can feel the growth.

And rather than continuing the seek happiness and fulfillment entirely outside of myself, I’m learning to find it within. Because yes, learning, reading, writing, hiking, etc. are all external things that bring me joy and allow me to feel fulfilled, but looking inward and actually seeing and feeling the love I have for myself, and knowing that I’m only fostering that love to grow, is invaluable. Because now I know that everything I do is for my wellbeing and self-love.