Some Key Insights That Are Helping Me Cope

We’ve been through a lot, you and me. Just the last two years alone have seen our world go through historic crises, one after another, and apparently we’re not done yet.

Yet, as ever, crisis is our teacher. How do I know this? Because I keep waking up to new levels of understanding and awareness. Sometimes they creep in during my yoga practice (if you don’t do yoga, consider adding it in 2022!)

But sometimes, the insight is just a quick thought that blazes in out of nowhere, a bullet to my previously held, frightened beliefs. Here are a few that have landed for me lately, especially as the Omicron variant of COVID-19 emerges..and suddenly, we’re back to the unknown.

Life really IS in the here and now. Man, have I spent a lot of time worrying. I mean grinding anxiety day after day, hour after hour, through nearly my entire life. AND… that turns out to all be a lot of hogwash, most of which never ever happened. On the other hand, some perfectly good Life was passing by me, unappreciated and unnoticed, because I was too busy fretting. Not worth it, my friend. Believe me!

Everything is temporary—except maybe death. When we are having a tough time, it’s helpful to remember that this tough time will not last long at all in the larger scheme of things. Even a  year is still a small fraction of your life. Most likely, we’ll pass through the crisis at hand, get to the other side, and make improvements accordingly. Only caveat, of course, is death. And then…well, we get to start all over again!

Kindness is the only thing that matters, long term. Yes, our responsibilities do matter. We must pay our taxes, educate our children, show up for  work, go to the dentist and so forth. But at the end of our lives, what will we remember? I suspect it will be the moments of loving kindness, of grace shared between two willing people. That exchange of energy is really what this tangled life is all about, isn’t it? Love truly saves the day.

What we resist persists. It’s an old koan but so very true. All that stuff that makes our blood boil? Turns out to be a test of our operating system. Can we just allow it to exist and walk away if we need to? Know that whatever is happening is not only inevitable, it is also our teacher. For our power lies in our ability to allow in and even embrace  the hard things in life.

I actually learned this from our puppy Zephyr. Oh how she loves to pull and tug on her leash when she doesn’t want to come in. What I am learning to do is just relax, loosen the leash and let her tug away while I turn my attention elsewhere. After a moment, when she finally gets that there is no game there, she lets go and trots happily inside.

When you stop resisting, life flows unimpeded like a river. Which means the tough stuff eventually just works its way through. Which is not to say ignore it—but understand it’s here for a reason. Got a job you hate, for instance? Great time to change it. Or to make some requests and let that boss understand what needs of yours aren’t being met. Shift, and even miracles happen when we stop resisting and work with reality instead.

Nothing much matters in the end. Finally, I invite you to consider that much of what once seemed so very important, and even mission critical in your life, may not actually matter much at all. When COVID began I was still clinging to this idea that “someday” I was going to be a breakout author with a mega bestselling book. My agent and my publisher and just plain old reality have since disabused me of this notion as I turn 63. My book, The Extremely Busy Woman’s Guide to Self-Care has sold respectably, but it’s not a bestseller. And my memoir has failed to find a publisher at all.

But that’s okay, friends. I find I actually no longer need to be a breakout best-selling author. Mind you, this is something I actively longed for through most of my 40 year career as a writer. In fact, now that I’ve let it go, I feel strangely joyful! What I realize is that old dream was just my ego talking. Do I seriously want my life to be all about work, and media tours, and tons of requests coming my way all the time? Or do I want what I have now…a sweet life with the woman I love in a comfortable place at an interesting time? Obviously, I’ll take the latter.

I must say, this insight is humbling. TYet, it’s also remarkably relieving. I no longer have to think of myself as ‘almost there’. Now I can be proud of what I’ve accomplished and let it be enough in its own right.

Life is grand—if we just allow it to show up that way, my friend. All you gotta do is embrace it for all it’s worth!

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