Behold The Future (Part 1)

You can too. But we’re talking about me right now. The Wright Brothers first flight was in 1903. Sixty-six years later, in 1969, a dude walked on the moon. It took less than a single human lifespan to go from a wonky little plane made from bicycle parts to the fucking moon. I was born on the second to last day of 1969. By the time I’m 66, people will probably be living on Mars. I’m a Red Mars ala Kim Stanley Robinson kinda guy. I hope he’s right.

In the next decade or so, a really smart computer will tell each of us why we are the way we are, and we’ll all be incredibly embarrassed. Some more than others. What this computer tells us will become our most closely guarded secret. We can all see that coming. Best of luck! LSD will become wildly popular around then as a fractured psyche reintegration mechanism.

Human organs for transplant will be grown in personal pigs. I’m calling mine Ted. Maybe Chad.

Humanity will learn how to communicate with dolphins and whales. I’m going to be pen pals with one. And I will lie boldly to my cetacean and lead him or her to believe I’m from House Stark, and shit is unwell in Westeros. The armies of the cunning scumbag Boba Fet are bad enough, but the Borg are far worse. Our fading hope is that Spiderman will take the Iron Throne, but he won’t put the bong down and we all know, deep down where hope dies, that he’s nothing but a big mouth fat ass bum.

A new form of entertainment will be born. I don’t know what it will be, but I can’t wait. It might be like ready Player One but I sure as fuck hope not. If conservatives rise it will reflect their awkward passions, so statistically we’re looking at mean holographic transvestites with mighty cocks, muscle trucks and stadium-sized McDonald’s theme parks with crappy nickel beer and two-dollar pink animal slime pumps. Remember to vote.

Covid, the next Covid, and then the next one will trash the real estate value in the largest cities. This is already happening, but I’m talking about a slide into a kind of rock bottom, shorn and gutted landscape that reflects the ethos of the people who live there. The super ghettos owned by the diminished elite will delight and embarrass the world. Disease, the great equalizer once again.

China will conquer Afghanistan through gentrification.

Fission will be achieved within a decade, but the technology will be absorbed by the current energy corporations and the great power advance of this age will remain expensive.