I gave at the office

t.rex: I AM OBI WAN KENOBI AND YOU ARE PWINCESS LEIA AND I NEED YOU TO KEEP DIS PENNY. (hands me a quarter)
me: I, Princess Leia Organa, will keep this penny.
t.rex: OKAY. I GOING TO GO KILL A GWEMLIN FOR YOU. YAH! HI-YAH!
me: Cool. Keep Stripe out of my coffee.
biscuit: OOH, YOU HAVE A COIN! CAN I HAVE YOUR COIN?
t.rex: NO, DAT IS PWINCESS LEIA'S PENNY AND YOU CAN'T HAB IT.
(inter-sibling fight begins to brew)
me: Okay. Okay. Wait. Um. Biscuit, are you collecting money to help orphaned Wookiees?
biscuit: Well--
me: *wink wink* DO YOU WANT THIS COIN SO YOU CAN SAVE AN INNOCENT BABY WOOKIEE?
biscuit: (slowly) Um, yeeeeees.
me: Obi Wan, let's give her the coin. She's trying to help baby Wookiees.
t.rex: I AM SUBBOSED TO GET PENNIES TO BUY A NET.
me: You... what?
t.rex: I SUBBOSED TO BUY A NET. FOR THE MOSKEETERS IN AFWICA.
me: I vaguely remember something about your preschool doing a charity project about that. Remind me-- why do the kids in Africa need nets?
t.rex: BETAUSE THE MOSKEETERS WILL DWINK DERE BWOOD WIKE VAMPIRES AND KILL DEM.
me: I appreciate your altruistic feelings, if not your uninformed delivery.
t.rex: I WOULD PRECIATE DAT COIN. FOR NETS.
me: How about if I find another coin, and then you can each have one?
biscuit: Maybe a dollar would be easier for you to find for me? And is there a coin worth twenty-five dollars?
me: No and no.
biscuit: What about those special golden coins from Chuck E. Cheese?
me: Those are actually worth less than a dollar.
biscuit: WHAT? BUT THEY'RE GOLD!
me: Sorry, kid. You've been duped by yet another mouse cult. Those coins aren't worth anything unless you're at Chuck E. Cheese.
biscuit: THEN ALL THESE COINS ARE WORTHLESS! (throws coins in the air and storms off)
me: Welcome to America, kid.
t.rex: (busily scoops up coins) SISTER DWOP HER PENNIES! I BUYIN LOTSA NETS NOW!!
me: See? You already get the America thing.
*