For The Love Of…Microtension by Artemis Crow

I read a fabulous article by C.S. Lakin via Jane Friedman’s blog. You can find it here: https://www.janefriedman.com/the-secret-ingredient-of-a-commercially-successful-novel/?utm_source=ActiveCampaign&utm_medium=email&utm_content=The+Secret+Ingredient+of+a+Commercially+Successful+Novel&utm_campaign=Daily+Blog

In the article, C.S. uses Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn to illustrate how microtension can be uses to throw the reader off or create the element of surprise. Microtension is not the big plot twists, or surprises or reversals. They are found in a line, in the small, barely noticeable increments that keep a reader questioning, wondering, reading.

So, I decided to apply the thoughts and examples in the article to a brief passage from my Valkyrie book for you all to see. FYI, this work in progress has not been to my editor yet. 

Here is my original version:

She heard muffled voices, but saw no one, so she risked being seen and ran down the hall and crouched by the entrance to the massive open space with stalls lining the two long walls. Rota had room for dozens of horses here, yet so many stalls were empty.

Bryn would correct that no matter what she had to do to get Rota to agree.

She inched forward on her hands and knees, passing a row of stalls, before reaching the half-wall partition separating the stalls from the arena itself. Inside the arena, the roof soared stories high above her, much higher than the house or the other barn, and extending much farther back than the others.

Bryn imagined horses flying in this space, like a Valkyrie aviary. No concerns about bad weather, or a sighting by a human; you could fly day or night, free to do what nature and Odin had intended.

Here is my attempt to add some microtension to the passage:

She heard muffled voices, but saw no one, so she ran down the hall and crouched by the entrance to the massive open space, stalls lining the two long walls. Rota had room for dozens of horses here, yet so many stalls were empty. Rota had so much when the Valkyrie were starving, dying.

Bryn would correct that disparity no matter what she had to do to get Rota to agree.

She stood and inched along the deepest shadows hugging a row of stalls, avoiding the impossibly long fingers of sunlight that crept closer, stretching out to touch her, desperate to expose the intruder.

There she is, the liar, breaking yet another promise.

Inside the arena, the roof soared stories high above her, much higher than the house or the other barn, and extending much farther back than the others.

Bryn imagined horses flying in this space, unlike the now unused Valkyrie aviary where the joyous sound of flapping wings, the beauty of a horse in flight were both long absent. 

Here there would be no concerns about bad weather, no worries that humans would see the miracle; you could fly day or night, free to do what nature and Odin had intended.

The pit of her stomach dropped. She swallowed hard against the surge of hatred that battered her in the face of such promise and bounty.

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I do think there is more microtension now, though adding microtension to my work will take time to master. With all that we must consider in our writing, this is a tool that I believe is under-utilized. I plan on correcting that for my stories! 

Do you add microtension to your writing? Share an example for us!

May your words flow freely,

Artemis

The Zodiac Assassins series
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