Bad T-Word
News flash: I do not like the word "tranny" (and that's the last time it will appear spelled out in this journal unless I'm talking about auto repair). I do not like it in the rain. I do not like it on a train. I just don't like it, Sam I am. I usually let it pass in online discourse since I'm not the language police, but I can't let it pass when someone close to me uses it, whether or not they're using it about me. (I've had the word thrown at me in a mean way a couple of times, and yeah, it hurt, but I think it's ultimately the prerogative of trans women to reclaim it or not, since they're the ones most often taunted and hurt by it.) So I thought we'd have a little etiquette lesson, not so different from my protips on what to do after misgendering a trans person, but slightly more complicated.
Last night my objection to "tr*nny" caused a bit of real-life strife with someone dear to me. This could have been avoided with these simple rules. (Remember, "cis" just means "not trans.")
1. Yes, some trans people like the word "tr*nny" and may even use it to refer to themselves. They have reclaimed it as other minority groups have reclaimed other slurs. The fact that you, a cis person, are friends with them/met them once/read their book/saw them use it on Twitter/etc. does not magically confer upon you the right to use it too.
2. Yes, some people use "tr*nny" to denote a transvestite or drag queen rather than a transgender person. That doesn't make the word any less painful to transgender people who dislike it. You, a cis person, don't get to decide what slurs against trans people do or don't mean. You especially should not try to explain to the trans person why "tr*nny" doesn't mean what they think it means and so they shouldn't be offended.
3. When a trans person calls you on using an offensive term, you should apologize and try not to use the term again, at least in that person's presence. You should not make the whole thing about your feelings. You should not make excuses about how you can't always remember these things (we know that, but we still appreciate you caring when you fuck up). You should not say "It's hard for me too." You should not try to get the trans person to comfort you because now you feel bad. Above all, THOU SHALT NOT SULK. (Sorry, didn't mean to slip into Old Testament mode, but I feel strongly about sulking.)
That is my lesson for today. Discuss as you like, but can we please not argue? I've had a rough 24 hours physically, mentally, emotionally, and probably a few other fronts I've forgotten, and I don't want to hear any hollering.
Last night my objection to "tr*nny" caused a bit of real-life strife with someone dear to me. This could have been avoided with these simple rules. (Remember, "cis" just means "not trans.")
1. Yes, some trans people like the word "tr*nny" and may even use it to refer to themselves. They have reclaimed it as other minority groups have reclaimed other slurs. The fact that you, a cis person, are friends with them/met them once/read their book/saw them use it on Twitter/etc. does not magically confer upon you the right to use it too.
2. Yes, some people use "tr*nny" to denote a transvestite or drag queen rather than a transgender person. That doesn't make the word any less painful to transgender people who dislike it. You, a cis person, don't get to decide what slurs against trans people do or don't mean. You especially should not try to explain to the trans person why "tr*nny" doesn't mean what they think it means and so they shouldn't be offended.
3. When a trans person calls you on using an offensive term, you should apologize and try not to use the term again, at least in that person's presence. You should not make the whole thing about your feelings. You should not make excuses about how you can't always remember these things (we know that, but we still appreciate you caring when you fuck up). You should not say "It's hard for me too." You should not try to get the trans person to comfort you because now you feel bad. Above all, THOU SHALT NOT SULK. (Sorry, didn't mean to slip into Old Testament mode, but I feel strongly about sulking.)
That is my lesson for today. Discuss as you like, but can we please not argue? I've had a rough 24 hours physically, mentally, emotionally, and probably a few other fronts I've forgotten, and I don't want to hear any hollering.
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message 1:
by
Rowan
(new)
Mar 01, 2012 10:20PM
There is very little that annoys me more than when one person uses a term that makes someone else uncomfortable and then makes it all about THEIR rights/feelings when the hurt person says something about it. How much of a fucking douchebag can you be?
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