President vows to remove Online content that says Free Speech is under attack

In a press conference earlier today, the Press Secretary for the President of the United States of America affirmed the President’s deep commitment to the 1st Amendment and to upholding Free Speech for those using Online services such as Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube.

“The President of the United States is steadfast in his commitment to Free Speech online,” stated the Press Secretary.  “So much so that he has ordered the creation of a new department of the Federal Government specifically tasked with flagging any Tweets, Facebook posts, or YouTube videos which suggest that suppression of Free Speech exists, and removing them.”

The Press Secretary continued, “We are deeply concerned about such problematic content… content which spreads the disinformation that the government would ever, in any way, censor Online content.  All such content is dangerous misinformation and must be removed.”

When asked for comment, YouTube’s Vice President of Truth had this to say, “We at YouTube are proud to continue our partnership with the current administration to ensure Free Speech is protected… and we will ban anyone that says otherwise.”

Twitter CEO, Jack Dorsey, simply had this to say, “Я не Распутин. Я не знаю, что вы слышали. Перестань меня так называть.”