The Three Statements Every Loved One Wants to Hear

On the night before his father died, Jeff Kemp sat at his dad’s bedside and asked for a blessing. His dad, Jack Kemp, had stood strong in the pocket as an NFL quarterback. He had stood tall as a member of congress for the state of New York and as one of President Reagan’s cabinet members. He exuded confidence as a vice presidential candidate.

But now he was flat on his back, stricken by cancer, tired and weak. His son asked him to do one final, great act. Jeff wanted his father’s blessing.

Jeff himself had been cheered by tens of thousands as he played quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks. He had heard the praises (and occasional boos) of people from all walks of life. But now, he desperately wanted the blessing of one elderly dying man.

Jack reached out, touched his son and prayed, “Dear God, please help Jeff realize his talent. Help him realize the force for good he can be in this world. And help us both to remember the only thing that matters is, ‘Thy will be done.’”

In his book, Facing the Blitz, Jeff writes,“He did it, even in the deepest pain, the toughest blitz, the final moments. Dad affirmed my identity by calling out my strengths and tying them to a vision for my life. It was in his DNA to encourage, to affirm, to lift.”

Looking back, Jeff could have remembered his father in his glory moments—playing professional football in front of tens of thousands, walking through the halls of Congress, seated among the cabinet members during the State of the Union address, or waving his hands to the cheering crowds who welcomed him on a presidential campaign stop.

Instead, Jeff’s mind goes back to when Jack was at his weakest physically, with just hours left to live. In the private quiet of that hospital room Jack gave his son Jeff his most cherished memory.

Like me, you probably have never played quarterback in the NFL. You may never have served in congress, been a cabinet member, or on a presidential ticket. But also like me, having done none of that, we can each give our children something even better than any of those impressive credentials: we can give them our personal blessing.

The challenge is we think blessings more than we speak them. And we usually presume on future time to get them out. Why wait? If these words are so meaningful, impactful, and memorable, why wait a decade or more to give a gift that can nourish our loved ones today?

About the tenth time someone lamented to me, with deep hurt, “My entire childhood, I never heard my parents say, ‘I love you,’ ‘I’m proud of you,’ or ‘I believe in you,’” I made a resolution: my children will hear those phrases, not just once, but many times.

If the lack of these three powerful statements scar so many for life, imagine the power these three statements have to release abundant life today:

“I love you.”

“I’m proud of you.”

“I believe in you.”

And when we talk about blessing, let’s not forget our spouses. We can be quick with “I love you,” but “I’m proud of you” and “I believe in you” touch a different region of their souls. Spouses usually need a bit more specificity:

“You work so hard for us.”

“I couldn’t get through this gathering without you.”

“You were a rock when I needed you most.”

Those of us who still have our parents can pass the blessing upwards, even if we’ve never received it ourselves. Just about every parent knows they have failed in many ways. When children say “I love you,” “I’m proud of you,” and “I believe in you,” they’ve given their parents the best present their troubled consciences can receive.

A life of blessing others is itself a blessed life. Whether you are blessing your children, your spouse or your parents, if ever you can say, “I love you,” “I’m proud of you,” or “I believe in you,” do so, soon and often! 

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