“ROCKY”

I made a promise to myself that life wouldn’t get me down nor will it make me sad for being who I am. It’s been years since I’ve been mad. My heart won’t allow me to be angry for long. You would never be able to figure out that I don’t feel like I belong. Finding my way has been difficult but I never give up. Now here I am working my heart to the bone for others. I make a difference in people’s lives because I can feel that it makes me feel better about myself.
I want to feel peace. The kind of peace where things are so silent that you can even hear the sound of your own heartbeat. And in that silence is peace. That is the kind of peace that I want. This promise has allowed me to make up a rhyme in my head to a song no one has to hear or fear. The rhythm of my life is filled with feelings of content.
The blood flowing through my veins tells me I am still alive. I don’t want to live to get by but to flourish. When a storm arrives, I won’t fear it. I’ll watch the black skylights and hear the thunder. I won’t hide from the window because the lightning is here. Instead I’ll watch the rain pour and be grateful for another night. The room is dark and I sit by myself. As I enjoy the calm inside of me I write beautiful words. I planned on staring out of the window until the downpour stops.
I was so wrong. It went on for days. Nature letting itself known created floods on the streets. Looking outside I saw not one person in sight. Nothing but closed doors and everyone making plans to stay dry. Deep down inside I still want to be reminded of the kind of weather that lights up the sky.
A few days later, the sun is bright. It’s a cool breeze. The feeling as it touches my skin is nature’s promise of life. Take a journey with me and see life differently. It’s peaceful and beautiful through my eyes even if things didn’t go my way.
When I look in the mirror, I don’t see that scared little girl with dark knotted hair. I had black bruised eyes and you would see the sadness inside. I wore my scars every day. I didn’t hide it because I know who I was. A kind person with a damaged soul. I lived with a broken heart. I guarded it my whole childhood from countless disappointments. This carried on until things turned around.
What I see now in the mirror is a warrior. A woman with silky black hair and a massive smile. You can see my black framed reading glasses but no sign of sadness. You would never think I was that same girl. I live my life one day at a time. My words are in my books but they live through me.
My journey is not over. Sometimes I feel it’s just beginning. Life has a way of throwing you down to your knees. It also has a way of lifting you up. These things happen regardless of what you think. Regardless of what you can or can not do things happen. Life makes you go left instead of right, and it shows you who’s boss. You will throw the white towel in defeat sometimes. You didn’t win the fight this time but maybe the next time.
Don’t focus on when you don’t win. The losses don’t matter when you are wearing the Championship belt. I feel like I had many victories in life. I want to run up countless stairs with your arms up in the air picturing Rocky Balboa right next to me. My hero. As I envision him I feel like we made it. I let my imagination run wild as we celebrate our accomplishments together with wind and a feeling of peace. Whatever you are going through remember that it will be worth the brawl. Leave the hurt and the past behind. That’s how you find peace. -Martha Perez