Living in the Shadows

Have you ever heard of the expression "living in the shadow of _____" (fill in: my big brother, my successful sister, my ____) The phrase equates to having to live up to something but it's often in our minds. The older brother MAY be awesome at everything but as a younger sibling it doesn't mean that you are less special or less successful. Only DIFFERENTLY successful. IN theory anyway, in practice we hole onto an inferiority complex and mope around claiming to be inept. This phrase comes to mind when thinking about When Love Is Not Enough

Is this going to be the "older sibling" for all the other books to look up to and feel inadequate? It feels like this while I'm writing.

If you read my blogs, you know I am a praise junkie. I NEED affirmation, and I always feel down about my writing. Nothing different in this blog. Turn back now! (lol) I got another review yesterday. Actually I got a few recently. One from Summer Michaels over at Summer's Point Blogspot and yesterday's was from HEARTS ON FIRE Reviews

Don from HEARTS ON FIRE said, and I quote, "This book was absolutely amazing. ... (long review in the middle here) ...This has become one of my favorite books of all time and I’s give it 6 hearts if I was allowed. I could go on for pages praising this book but just pick it up for yourself and experience it."

Totally rocking, right?

But then I go back to writing and think, gee, is anything else I write going to be that amazing? I honestly don't know. When Love Is Not Enough was written out of personal pain. I was in a dark place and the pain poured onto the pages easily. I'm not there anymore. I'm feeling good. Praises like Don's only add to the happy so where does that leave my writing? I don't know and that scares me.

I guess part of my apprehension is over the big "question mark" of the sequel. Will it be accepted? Will it not? Will the religious content irk the publisher? Will I have to re-vamp the plot? It is just monstrously LONG and I'll have to cut several scenes? (which, btw, if I "cut" scenes, I would totally make them a free read on my website.) So I sit here and worry over TCOL -The Cost of Loving- for no good reason really. It's just my personality. I worry. I get anxious. Then I second guess.

I'm also second guessing my latest project. Cole for Christmas. ( I WILL be changing the name but I don't know what to?) At 40,488 words, this W.I.P (work in progress) is coming along nicely. At this point, I don't see it hitting 75k. The plot moves along to quickly. Probably closer to 65k (if that). I am not really paying attention to word count as much as were the plot is going. I feel if I watch the words, I might stick something into the story just to stretch it and I don't know that it would make it any better. Stories shouldn't be stretched, they should flow. Easily. I am trying hard to allow the story it's own direction. Like I have mentioned before, it's a "fun" story. I edited it on Thursday. At the time it had 37k and after going over 37,000 words I only added 200. That was amazing for me. Normally I end up adding and adding and the thing becomes a bear because I can't stop adding words. (Editing is designed to shave them. Perfect them.) This run through I felt very confident in the way it was already written. And I laughed often! This was seriously cracking me up. Then the worrier speaks into my subconscious that it will only be funny to me, and to no one else. So, maybe this book I am only writing for me and I have to think "if no on else likes it, fine!"

Easy to say, hard to do.

I worry. So, apologies ahead of time if I suck at being funny. I've been writing "dark" so long (two years) that I often wonder if I forgot how to laugh. Life is good right now. I feel good. Writing Cole is good. So for all you readers and reviewers, I really hope I do not disappoint when something else I've written gets published. Hearing "This has become one of my favorite books of all time" is truly thrilling, yet it scares me that that is what I have to live up to. First shot out of the gate is "absolutely amazing" and worthy of 6 stars in Don's mind. I take a deep breath and think, "the next one will be seen as notably adequate but nothing special in light of it's older brother."

It would almost be easier to start with a book that sucked, because then I can only get better, right?

Okay, I'm done with the self-flagellation.

over and out. I gotta write some more. :)

Wade