(2/2) “When my mother died, I felt a responsibility to carry her...

(2/2) “When my mother died, I felt a responsibility to carry her resentment forward. I made sure that Jana knew her place. Whenever she tried to guide me, it was like: ‘You’re here. She’s not. And that’s not fair.’ But we respected each other’s boundaries, and we made it through my teenage years. Then during my freshman year of college I became pregnant unexpectedly. I felt so unprepared. And more than that, it was another milestone that brought back the trauma of not having a mom. Jana was the first person I told. I expected her to pity me, but instead she grabbed my face with both hands. ‘This is so great!’ she said. ‘We’re ready for this!’ In that moment I started sobbing. Because I’d always wanted to be a mother, and I’d just been given permission to be joyful. Jana supported me throughout the entire pregnancy. And it wasn’t just support, it was enthusiasm. She had T-shirts made. She welcomed my son with tears in her eyes. For the first time since my mother’s death, it felt like someone really had my back. One of the hardest parts of losing my mom was: ‘I’m never going to have this kind of love again.’ But I’ve found it with Jana. I have two sons now, and she has such a deep bond with both of them. She’s been so careful to keep my mother’s memory alive. She’s always mentioning ‘Grandma Michele’ to my boys. She sends me texts on my mother’s birthday. And one night she said something I’ll never forget. We were sitting at the dinner table, and she said: ‘I feel such a responsibility with these boys. Because I know your mom doesn’t have the privilege of being here.’ Those words meant so much to me. Last year I went through a very difficult period. During the pandemic I had to close down my business, and Jana supported me through the whole thing. On the night we finally shut our doors, Jana texted me a picture of my mother’s valedictorian speech. I’d never even seen it before. I didn’t know it existed. But Jana found it in the garage, and the words were such a balm to my soul. It’s what I know my mother would have told me: ‘Lives are made of chapters,’ it said. ‘And after one is written, it cannot be revised. But we can write a new chapter with each new day.’”