Passion Sustained Through Purpose
How is it that two people so enthralled with each other that they decided to spend the rest of their lives together, who perhaps once shared an infatuation so intense they could scarcely stand to be apart, eventually grow so bored with each other that they can’t bear to live in the same house?
How and why does a couple go from such high highs to such low lows?
Here’s a clue: even the best of marriages is a miserable substitute for the ultimate reality of living for God. God created us to be people of purpose who live lives of eternal impact. When we settle for less, it’s God’s kindness and mercy that starts to stir something within us that says, There must be more to life than this! Because there is! And God doesn’t want us to miss it.
The worst thing we can do when we feel the need for “something more” is to go looking for another romantic infatuation, which neuroscience tells us has a limited shelf life of about twelve to eighteen months. The way God designed our brains, it’s physically impossible to keep infatuation alive with any intensity for very long. So don’t obsess about “falling out of love” with your spouse. Concern yourself instead with falling out of purpose, because purpose will sustain your love.
Romance alone is not enough to continually refresh our souls or keep love alive for a lifetime because no one human is capable of filling our every need. Our marriages must be focused on Someone greater. We need a magnificent obsession. We need to let the Lord of all creation capture our hearts, to fall more and more in love with Him. We need to make Him our desire, our very life and breath.
The magnificent obsession is based on Matthew 6:33 (ESV), “Seek first the kingdom of God.” What does it mean to seek first the kingdom of God? Let me summarize it this way: Seeking first the kingdom of God means that every day when my spouse and I wake up, God’s agenda for us is more important than our comfort, our own happiness, our reputations, our enrichment, or our personal aims. We haven’t just been saved; we’ve been enlisted. So our priorities must be radically different: “He died for all, so that those who live might live no longer for themselves, but for him who died and was raised for them” (2 Corinthians 5:15 NRSV).
It’s this magnificent obsession with God’s work that makes marriages work. Let’s be honest: none of us is so enthralling that we can keep another person enchanted for fifty-plus years. Five or six dates? No problem. Five or six years? That’s a challenge. Five or six decades? Good luck with that. Every one of us has severe limitations that marriage seems to spotlight like nothing else. That is why human relationships that live for the relationship itself are unsustainable. So it would seem that notions of a “lifelong love” are little more than a romantic fantasy.
Unless …
Unless we are “planted by streams of [spiritual] water” that keep our leaves from withering (Psalm 1:3). A magnificent obsession with God gives two people a reason to talk, a reason to get out of bed, a reason to stay together, and excitement that never ends. Marriage between two people with a shared love of Christ is a marriage that grows ever deeper over time. As God shapes our hearts to desire Him, He is also shaping our hearts to desire and enjoy each other. That’s what God provides in a marriage centered on Him. So many marriage books talk about keeping the romance alive, which I understand to some extent. But too few talk about keeping purpose alive.
Long-term marital satisfaction is found first and foremost in worship and service, celebrating and working on behalf of God’s kingdom instead of trying to create an earthly substitute. No matter how intense your emotional connection is, how thrilling and pleasurable your sexual life is, how successful your children are—these things alone cannot fill an otherwise empty soul for decades on end. You can have a good run with them, but there will be days when a creeping emptiness begins to haunt you. We were made to live in no less a drama than the spread of God’s eternal reign. We need adventure. We need purpose. We need the adrenaline of stepping out of our comfort zones for a purpose higher than our own well-being. We need our lives to matter for eternity, not just for the moment. We need to find fulfillment in something greater than our bank accounts, our pleasure, or our reputations.
In the end, selfishness is a very boring life. Nothing, not even romance, can substitute for kingdom life because that’s how God created us. Marriages without a magnificent obsession are racing toward boredom. It’s only a matter of time.
In Christian circles, we do a disservice if we try to “fix” marriages without first teaching the necessity of fixing our lives on this magnificent obsession, seeking first the kingdom of God. I have no interest in offering anyone five steps toward becoming a little less miserable in their marriage as they live a substandard, self-centered life that isn’t set on something greater. But I will tire myself out to help someone jump into the current of God’s advancing kingdom. The best marriages are achieved by living for something else and letting that something else lift up the marriage.
Pre-order for this book is now available, and if you place your order before April 1, you get to choose a FREE second copy from my three re-releases to keep or give to a friend.
But what if your spouse isn’t a believer? You can still enjoy the presence of God in your marriage because His Word says, “The unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband” (1 Corinthians 7:14). In this rather stunning statement, Paul boldly proclaims that there is enough of God in one believing spouse to provide everything a marriage needs to be sanctified.
God is that powerful. If your spouse is not a believer, he or she can help you learn how to love the lost. Meanwhile, seeking first the kingdom of God will make your happiness less dependent on having exactly the kind of spouse you always dreamed of and more dependent on obediently following the God you were created to serve.
The post Passion Sustained Through Purpose appeared first on Gary Thomas.
