Have Your Loved Ones Let You Down?

I got so sad once reading the end of the Gospel of Matthew. Jesus gave so much to His disciples. They owed Him everything, but just when He needed them the most, they let Him down again and again and again.

Let’s put what the disciples owed Jesus into modern perspective. Without financial aid, it will cost a student enrolling in Notre Dame over $275,000 to get a four-year degree. That almost makes the $120,000 it will cost to get a four-year degree from the University of Texas seem like a bargain.

What would you pay for three years with Jesus? The disciples got more than three or four lectures a day. They lived with Him, watched Him do miracles, and they could ask Him personal questions. The gift Jesus gave to them is worth more than any of us—even Jeff Bezos—could pay in “tuition.”

But even after giving them all that, when Jesus needed them the most, the disciples let Him down. The night Jesus was betrayed, He pled with His disciples several times to stay awake and pray yet all of them fell asleep, even after being woken and given a second chance.

Jesus knew they wouldn’t be faithful. At the last supper He told them, “Tonight all of you will fall away because of Me…” (Matthew 26:31). And every single one of them did.

Jesus gave His loved ones so very much, but there wasn’t a single individual—not even one—who didn’t let Him down just when He needed them the most.

If you feel let down by your spouse, parents, or children: “I’ve loved them so well, I’ve sacrificed, I’ve served, I’ve prayed for them daily, and this is how they treat me?” Jesus can relate.

Two things that kept Jesus going (and can keep us going) were His intimacy with His Heavenly Father and the urgency of His mission.

First, the intimacy. Jesus didn’t want to pray alone on the night He was betrayed, but if sleep captured those around Him, He was still determined to pray, even if that meant doing so alone.

Here’s the catch: in one sense, Jesus wasn’t alone. He was with His heavenly Father, which was far more important to Him than human companionship. Jesus didn’t let resentment or anger about how others were failing Him keep Him from His true source of joy, intimacy, and fulfillment. Instead of smoldering over the earthly others who were letting him down, Jesus looked up to heaven’s bounty.

There’s a big lesson for us here: don’t let the unfaithfulness of others blind you to the faithfulness, love, mercy, and intimacy offered by God. In other words, go to God instead of going to resentment. Go to God instead of going to bitterness. Go to God instead of fixating on how ungrateful everyone is.

In When to Walk Away I tell the story of a husband who served and loved on his wife for almost a full year until she was so convicted she finally repented of how she was treating him. Darin admits he never could have done this on his own. It wasn’t until “the Holy Spirit began to reveal to me that I wasn’t letting the Father love me that things began to turn.”

Darin had been let down, severely, by his dad. And now he was being let down by his wife. “My anger at myself and those who let me down had sprung a root of bitterness that the Father’s tender love slowly, faithfully, and surgically cut out of my life. I could point to all kinds of daddy issues, legitimate offenses, and painful failures of others that might have seemed to justify my anger, but in light of what Jesus Christ did to pay a debt that I could not repay, I could no longer hold anyone responsible for how they hurt me, especially my wife.”

Darin was getting almost nothing out of his marriage but he says—and this is key—“I could feel the pleasure of God every time I chose to be patient, to be tender, and to be charitable.”

When you must endure the apathy or even antipathy of others, find refuge in the pleasure of God. That’s what Jesus did, and what we’re invited to do as well.

Second, Jesus was motivated by His mission. Jesus responded to the ingratitude of his loved ones by focusing on His mission from His Heavenly Father. It never occurred to Him to think, “If they won’t do their part, why should I do mine?” He was going to go to the cross regardless of whether others were fulfilling their mission.

Don’t let the unfaithfulness of others hamper your own. If you have unfaithful or ungrateful children, don’t be an unfaithful or ungrateful parent. Just because your parents didn’t nurture you like perhaps a child deserves to be nurtured doesn’t mean you can mistreat them as a son or daughter. And just because your spouse lets you down doesn’t mean you get to let your spouse down (in all these situations I’mnot talking about toxic situations in which you may need to walk away). Even if you must step forward alone, step forward. You’re walking in the footsteps of Jesus! Yeah, maybe your family or friends should be by your side, but your job is to keep moving toward God’s best plan for your life even if no one else follows.

Resolve this above all else: I may pray alone, but I’m still going to pray. I may serve without being thanked, but I’m still going to serve. I may love without being noticed, but I’m still going to love.

If we look left or right, we’ll eventually lack the motivation to keep loving. The Bible tells us people can’t always be trusted so instead of looking left or right, look up. Receive and live in your Heavenly Father’s affirmation and mission. Rejoice and be thankful when loved ones join you and support you. But keep moving forward even if (or when) they don’t.

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