Dear Parents... Why You Shouldn't Tell Your Kids Not To Go Into Acting
An open letter to parents...
Dear Well-Meaning, Concerned Parents,
Please don’t tell your kids not to go into acting. Please. (Or, for that matter, any career choice you may not agree with… but I digress.) By discouraging your kid from doing what they love, you are not helping them. Instead, you are doing the following:
Informing them you don’t trust their judgement.
Telling them it’s not worth taking risks in life.
Teaching them to ignore their dreams and settle.
Training them to question their abilities.
Consigning them to a lifetime of regret and unhappiness.
What I've Witnessed Working With Young Adults...I own an acting studio, and I travel the world speaking and running seminars on communication. As an acting teacher, I develop very close relationships with my students. Running job interview seminars for students at top Universities is an important component of my communication work. I have an up close and personal view of what happens when parents pressure kids into any one career. The result of this pressure can be almost unbearable to witness. The regret, demoralization, and heartbreak I have seen is immeasurable.
Questioning your child’s ability to make choices as an adult, encouraging them to take the safe route and play small, prodding them to settle for a life they never wanted… These messages will impact far more than your child’s career. They will impact every aspect of their lives. And they will suffer for it.
Busting Popular, Damaging Myths about "The Business"...I’ve been an acting teacher for over twenty years. Before discouraging your kid from following her dreams, please check out these myths about the business.
Your kid will starve. This is utter hogwash. If your kid finishes high school (and I recommend they finish college) they will not starve. Conventional wisdom dictates it takes seven years to “make it” as an actor, and I have found this to be absolutely true. For seven years your kid may wait tables. This will not kill them. And they will not die of starvation.
Your kid will never “make it.” Most non-theater people think of "making it" as becoming George Clooney. If this is the bar then yes, your kid probably won’t make it. Indeed, Clooney himself has said that his level of fame is akin to winning the lottery. Please understand your kid is in the arts because she really LOVES the arts. She doesn’t need to be obscenely rich to be happy. She simply needs to work consistently, and if she puts in sweat for seven years, she will do just that.
Your kid will need a lot of luck. Please let go of this damaging myth. Luck is what you need to become wildly famous. To work consistently you need only two out of the following three characteristics. (I did not come up with this. It's an idea most of my fellow teachers in the industry know about, and we treat as gospel. It's brilliant, and it's spot on.)
On time (You are unfailingly professional.)
Talented (You are a good actor.)
Nice (Everyone loves working with you.)
While possessing all three characteristics certainly helps, you only need two. If you don’t believe me, ask yourself if you’ve ever seen a bad actor on TV or in the movies. We all have. Bad actors are everywhere, and some are making obscene amounts of money! Why? They’re a great time and always show up prepared. You don’t need to be a gigantic talent to work as an actor. You just need to be what every other profession calls for: unfailingly professional and really fun to work with.
Your kid will be destroyed from the rejection. Nope. They will be sad, but they will learn valuable lessons, like outside validation is not necessary to believe in yourself and if you get kicked down, get back up again. Rejection does not destroy people. Doing a job you hate while longing, painfully, to do another job destroys people.
What really happens to aspiring actors?Every last student I have ever had who stuck it out in the arts is (happily!) still in the arts. Are they all working actors? No. Some decided seven years was too long, and chose to do other jobs in the business. Some are talent agents. Some teach acting. Some are entertainment lawyers. Some run theater companies. But all of them are thankful they gave it a shot. It eventually led them to a career in a business which brings them great happiness and fulfillment. Those who did stick it out are working actors. And they are all some of the happiest people I know.
Who makes it, and why?What’s the one factor that most accurately predicts if my students became working actors?
Parental support.
Yes, parental support, not talent, and definitely not luck, is the number one predictor of long term success as an actor. Like any career, supportive parents who are also wealthy and connected to the industry do exponentially increase the probability of lottery-sized success for their child. That said, this is certainly not a prerequisite for helping your child become a working actor. The only requirement for making a respectable living as an actor is loving, positive, emotional support from parents, and that’s an unlimited resource.
While students whose parents are unequivocally behind them do very well, aspiring actors whose parents continue to question their kids ability to make a living acting will predictably struggle. Initial rejections will confirm what their parents have been telling them: Acting is too risky. They should quit before they even try. So they do just that. They quit. The discouraging words of the people who matter most to them, their parents, become a heartbreaking self-fulfilling prophecy.
Recently I caught up with a student who is on Wall Street. He’s making a ton of money, and he is absolutely miserable. Unfortunately, I predicted he would be miserable. He had big dreams of being an actor. He was good, and acting was his passion. After college, at only twenty two, he decided to give up his dreams. Twenty two is too young to give up on anything, much less your life’s passion. Far too young. Yet it happens all the time.
What can you do instead of discouraging your child?Explain to them that life is about taking risks. (It’s about falling down, brushing off the dust, and falling down again until you’ve learned how to succeed.)
Get them voice lessons and dance lessons and acting lessons. (Scholarships and trades are often available. We do it in my studio all the time, and we are not unique.)
Help them find a great college to further their studies. (Find someone in the business, or a fellow parent who has been through it, to guide you through this often intimidating process.)
Tell them you love them, believe in them, and they have your full support. (Do this regularly.)
Want your kid to soar? Let go.Do you want your kid to realize on his deathbed that he spent most of his life doing a job he didn’t like? Do you want him to feel he sacrificed big dreams to please you? This will be your child’s fate if you push your kid into a career they don’t want to be in.
In the end you won’t be living your child’s life, they will, and they must choose how they live it. So please, don’t tell your kid not to go into acting. Trust that you raised them well, and they are ready to make their own choices.
Just as importantly, understand your kid has all the worries you do. Indeed, they are terrified of failing, and your support will mean everything to them. Help your treasured child work through their fears. Become the hero in their story by modeling what real support, love, and belief in another person looks like. Tell them you have their backs. Always. Send them off to this grand adventure we call life with courage, and with a smile. Then take a breath, sit back, and watch them shine!
Yours truly,
Eliza
Thanks to Alek Osinski and Eric Shaw for the copy editing.
