What I Learned Flying First Class (And why I'm a bit embarrassed about it.)

Until I started my business several years ago, I had no idea what was behind that magical curtain. I'm talking about that curtain- The one separating first class seats on airplanes from the rest of us mortals- the one flight attendants shut with such definitive, curt authority after takeoff. I always wondered…. 

What the hell was going on up there? Answer: More than I thought.

Was it so special it had to be hidden from the rest of us for fear coach would rise-up in a bloody revolt? Answer: Maybe?

"PLEASE BOOK ME A FIRST CLASS SEAT."

Several years ago, I got my answer. I started giving talks all over the world and suddenly flying became a staple of my life. At first, I flew coach. It never once occurred to me to ask orgs to pay for a first-class seat. After all, first class seats were for pretentious people rolling in money. Not me.

Then one day I was complaining to a dear friend about how hard it was to get any work done whilst wrestling my fellow passengers for one of the armrests. My friend, who isn’t pretentious but is pretty damn wealthy, said, “Why are they flying you coach? You have much bigger desks in first class and make such better use of your time! And besides, everything in first class is just… easier! Next time you get a gig you have to ask!”

I still remember almost passing out while pressing the send button on my email requesting a first-class seat. Would they laugh at me? Never work with me again? “In terms of travel,” my email read, “please book me a first class seat.” And then, for good measure, just to sound like I knew what I was talking about, and this was sooooo totally normal, I threw in, “I prefer a window seat, if possible.” To my surprise, I heard back right away. “No problem Eliza - let us know what airline you prefer so you can get the points.” Whaaaaat???? Why hadn’t I done this sooner?? And what airline should I sign up for?

In a few weeks the big day arrived. My first flight in first class! The experience blew my mind, and it wasn’t just the seats. (Although the back support and legroom? Phenomenal!)

 First class was, as my friend said, just…easier.

Let me break it down…

YOU KEEP YOUR STUFF

To begin with, I got to board first. Going in first is much better than it sounds. It spares you the line, but more importantly it ensures your rolling carry-on bag won’t be taken away because you’re at the end of the line and the overhead compartments have already filled up. Walking into that airplane with hundreds of tired coach passengers waiting to board behind me made me feel really guilty. But I would be lying if didn’t admit it also made me feel a bit like a celebrity, or royalty, or maybe a celebrity/royalty hybrid (a la Megan Markle). I was cool enough not to be separated from my luggage!

MORE ABOUT KEEPING YOUR STUFF

Once on the plane I noticed several other first-class passengers shoving bags into the overhead compartments- roomy compartments meant to hold more stuff for less people. Most of their “carry-ons” were just a bit too stuffed to comply with the 40 pounds and under rule. If this were coach the flights attendants would have intercepted those bags in a heartbeat and the passengers wouldn’t see them until after the flight. In first class, the passengers got just the opposite treatment. The flight attendants smiled sympathetically... poor people with such huge, unruly bags! One flight attendant even helped the man next to me shove his bag into the overhead compartment with the conviction of someone pushing a car out of a ditch on a freezing cold day. Wow!! Next time I would be packing my slippers, and a few other things!

FREE BOOZE!

Moments after I sat down, the flight attendant immediately came up to me, offered to hang my coat, and asked me what I wanted to drink. I looked around and noticed the people in front of me already had drinks. I hadn’t heard her informing them she only took credit cards, so why not? Free booze!! I ordered the most expensive drink I could think of, which in this case was some kind of hard liquor I never drink. I could barely choke it down, but who cares? It was free!

YOU ENTER ANOTHER DIMENSION

Once we were settled with our drinks the other “economy plus” passengers started to board. I noticed none of the people in first class made eye contact with them, or any of the coach people for that matter. It was as if they couldn’t see them, or didn’t want to. They sipped their wine, tapped on their laptops, and pretended our existence in first class was the only existence. (The Sci-Fi geek in me felt I had entered another dimension… or maybe the Matrix?) That felt more than a little wrong and very weird, so I made a point to smile at everyone who made eye contact with me. A few first class passengers shot disapproving glances at me. Clearly, I was breaking some unspoken rule, but I did it anyway. I’ve always been oppositional, and no snooty first-class passenger would change that!

THE SERVICE IS EXCELLENT

After the captain turned off the seatbelt sign, I noticed there was one flight attendant to take care of all of us, which in this case was about ten people. All we needed to do was lean over, summon her, and poof! Like a smiling, friendly flight attendant magical genie, she would appear and grant us our wishes. Blanket? Sure! Snack! Of course! Wine? What kind? 

(Side note: I kept thinking about the people in coach and how it always seemed like ages after you pushed that damn buzzer before the flight attendant got to you… and when he finally made it, he seemed annoyed. By contrast in first class I could ask for information about when my flight would land, even if we were up in the air for hours more, and that query would trump the young frazzled mother in the back with the kid who might vomit who actually needed help NOW. )

YOU ARE WELL FED AND WATERED

And finally, there was the food. On long flights you get a halfway decent meal, replete with tablecloth, flatware, and glasses made of actual glass. Before the meal you get a warm washcloth to clean your hands with. Many people also use this to freshen up their faces, especially if it’s lavender scented. (My first lavender scented washcloth was such a shock to me I almost stood up and yelled, “Holy crap! Lavender scented wet washcloths! No way!!!")

THE RULES AREN’T RIGID

Besides all of these perks, there was another overarching theme. In first class the rules are bendable, and that went beyond overstuffed carry-ons. Time to put away laptops? In first class passengers usually take at least five minutes to comply with this request, and no one says a thing. Seat needs to come up for landing? I’ve seen first class customers who were fast asleep, with their seats back, never be asked to move their seats upright before landing. More than once the flight attendant actually attempted to move the seat up for them rather than wake them. If she couldn’t, she waited until all of coach complied before finally giving in and waking the passenger up every so gently. 

IT’S FUN AND GAMES UNTIL...

Needless to say, flying first class was a shocker. I had no idea the people behind the curtain had it so good! But here’s the even more shocking thing… Eventually, after flying first class several times, my attitude changed. I stopped taking pictures and sending them to my friends with, “Whaaat!?!?” in the caption. I stopped looking around, in awe of my good fortune. Indeed, I stopped looking around… period.

I forgot I was in the Matrix. 

I started over-stuffing my bag without much thought. I expected a great meal. And, I’m embarrassed to admit, I became mildly disappointed if my warm washcloth wasn’t infused with delicious lavender. I even stopped interacting with coach folks as they boarded. Why? On one flight a coach passenger had been walking to her seat and said to me, quite warmly I might add, “Must be nice!” It was awkward- she had overtly called out our different experiences rather than smile gamely while walking by, pretending this huge discrepancy didn’t exist. After that, I started looking away while coach boarded, busying myself with work. In time, I’m deeply ashamed to admit, I didn’t really think about the experiences of the people in coach at all. 

Eventually, I no longer saw the perks of first class as incredible, special privileges which allowed me to get free stuff, be well treated, and bend the rules. And I stopped thinking about the people behind me … it just made me feel bad. 

Worst of all…

I began seeing the privileges of first class differently. I saw my privileges as my right, while simultaneously “forgetting” there was an entire group of folks behind me getting worse treatment. 

GETTING GOBSMACKED IN COACH

Then one day I went on a personal trip. I was still not in a place where I felt justified spending the extra money on a first class seat, so I decided to fly coach. No big deal. It can’t be as bad as I remembered it!

It was worse. 

As I waited in the long line with other coach passengers, I began to feel more and more indignant. This was ridiculous! Why did we have to wait? Once I finally sat down, I was sandwiched between two very large men. In short order, I was in an epic cold-war style battle for one armrest. (Not two, just one!) After wrangling one, I opened my “desk”. I had a lot of work to do and needed to dive in during the flight. The desk was far less functional, and much more rickety, than I remembered. To add insult to injury, the flight was very long, but beyond peanuts and crappy cookies, I had to pay for food, and the food was awful.

I soon found myself complaining to the people sitting next to me about how crappy and unacceptable this entire situation was! UNACCEPTABLE!! They both looked at me like I was nuts. One guy sighed and said, “I’ve never flown first class. I wouldn’t know.” The other guy rolled his eyes, baffled, and more than a bit annoyed, that I felt entitled to special treatment.

That’s when I was gobsmacked with three realizations: 

I was acting like a pretentious, arrogant, and entitled jerk.

Airplanes rock at teaching about privilege.

Once you have privilege, even for a short time, it is very easy to start behaving rather badly.

I started to rationalize immediately. 

But I needed my first-class seat! It was reasonable for me to feel like this! I was on a deadline! 

That's when I was gobsmacked, yet again, with a final realization.

The more challenges we feel we’re facing in our lives, the harder it is to turn around and see that other people have it worse. There were many times I was sitting in first class on a stressful work deadline. I would get to my seat, pull out my sturdy table, and begin typing feverishly until the plane was fully boarded. I didn’t look up at the coach folks as they boarded - not once. It wasn’t my fault. I had things to DO! I was facing too many challenges to look up!

HYPER-PRIVILEGE FIRST-CLASS DISEASE 

Have you ever been in a restaurant and seen an irate customer complaining to the waitstaff? I now call this Hyper-Privilege First Class Disease, or…HPFCD. (Not a great acronym, but the best I got.) Like me on airplanes, these folks have come to expect they will get the very best. When they don’t, it’s an outrage! Reeking of status, they feel entitled to squeak their wheels the most, and the harried staff bustles around, catering to their every need. Never once do these folks look around the restaurant and notice that everyone else was getting the same treatment they have deemed so awful. Never once do they consider that perhaps they are demanding special treatment. There is usually zero acknowledgement their special treatment is decreasing resources (in this case wait staff) for the rest of the customers. They just want what they were entitled to and want it NOW!

Hyper-Privilege First-Class Disease at its finest.

COMBATING HPFCD

The first step to combating privilege is to understand that you have it. The second step is understanding you don’t deserve your privilege more than other people.

Living a life with Hyper-Privilege First Class Disease, is...

having privilege for so long you don’t notice you’re rocking it. Example: When a man continuously interrupts a woman, but when called on it he gets defensive. He’s not lying when he says he’s definitely not interrupting. He’s simply done it so much he can’t see it’s happening.

breaking the rules more, and without consequence. Example: As a White woman, I can drive within 7 miles of the speed limit without getting a ticket. One of my students of color has memorized every speed change between work and his house. He slows down before he hits the signs. If he drives even one mile over the speed limit, he gets stopped. Getting stopped for this young Black man is not just an inconvenience. It can be dangerous.

being so accustomed to our privilege we don’t even know we have it. Example: I just assume I won’t be followed in stores. My friends of color, regardless of how they are dressed, are followed regularly.

Once you understand what you’ve got, you can begin to see what others don’t. Once you understand what others don’t, you can begin to fight for change…  

So, let’s break down privileges you have in first class...

Admittedly 1- 2 are unfair perks no one really needs, so my analogy isn’t rock solid. But I would argue that 4 -7 should be basic human rights for all of us, whether or not we are on a plane. 

You get all the booze you want. (not necessary, and not really good for your body.)

You always get served first. (not necessary, and not really good for your soul.)

You get a nice place to put your stuff. (shelter)

You have easy access to liquids to drink and decent food to eat. (basic needs)

People don’t punish you if you don’t comply with the rules perfectly. (a life free of harassment- think 7 miles over the speed limit)

People are nice to you and you are treated with respect. (human dignity)

There are all kinds of different privilege… White privilege, male privilege, wealth privilege, gender privilege, pretty privilege, age privilege… the list goes on and on. People understanding their specific privilege will not solve injustice, but it's a good place to start. Get familiar with your privilege. Interrupt moments when you get something you did not earn at the expense of another human being. Step in when you see someone treated badly because of their lack of privilege. If enough people of conscience commit to this, change is inevitable. And wouldn’t it be nice to live in a world where everyone has access to a first class life?

Edited By Alek Osinski