When Grief Mingles with Joy

First off, I want to say a huge thank you to Robin and the rest of the Inspired by Life… team who stepped in for me this past month when I wasn’t able to blog. I’m still reeling a bit, and trying to process two great losses in my life that happened within a 12-hour span. On February 1, Shirley Ann Turner Raney, my precious mother-in-law, passed away after a valiant battle with cancer.

After Ken’s mom passed away on Monday night, I texted my dear friend Terry to let her know the news. Terry responded with her usual sweet and encouraging words and we talked about our plans to get together for coffee while we were in Kansas. Early the next morning Terry’s husband, Eric, called to tell me that Jesus had taken Terry Home sometime in the middle of the night. Completely unexpected.

Honestly, I’m still trying to wrap my head around these heartbreaking losses. I only know that Heaven gained two beautiful souls this month and I miss them both fiercely, yet I’m so very grateful to have had them in my life for as long as I did.

Mom at our house on her 80th birthday.

From the day I married Ken, I called Bud and Shirley “Dad” and “Mom.” And especially after my own mother passed away four years ago, Mom became even more special and important in my life.

At her graveside service, everyone mentioned what a strong woman Shirley was. And she had to be. After Ken’s dad died twenty-five years ago, Mom took over running the antiques mall and refinishing business they had built from scratch out in California. When Mom’s aging parents needed help back in Kansas, she sold the business and returned to devote her life to Grandma and Grandpa. They each lived to be 101 years old and Mom’s help allowed Grandma to stay on her farm 11 miles from town until the end of her life!

We teased Mom that she was a bionic woman. She had a metal rod in her back, a hip replacement, knee replacement, and I don’t know what all other metal in her body, but that never stopped her. In her eighties, she took solo road trips from Kansas to New York and California and traveled near and far with her Bridge club. Even a double mastectomy and later a diagnosis of Stage IV cancer barely slowed her down.

She took all of her kids to Hawaii four years ago and while there went snorkeling for the first time at the age of 83! Every five years, she made family reunions possible for all her kids and grandkids, and we are especially grateful for our time together with her in South Dakota last July where this photo was taken.

One of my most poignant memories about Ken’s mom is that her husband died on her birthday, July 22. And then five years later, unbelievably, Mom’s only brother also died on her birthday! While some might have found that an unbearably cruel coincidence, Mom never felt sorry for herself, and always said that those anniversaries made her birthday a day of remembrances. Still, we were all ecstatic nine years ago when our first little granddaughter made her appearance in this world on July 22. She and Nana had a special bond being birthday twins.

“Nana” with her birthday twin.

In October, Ken’s mom and sister visited us in Missouri and Mom got to meet her newest great-grandchild, our youngest grandson. Mom could then declare that she had been able to see every single member of her family—kids, in-laws, grandkids, and great-grandkids—in a year’s time. Pretty impressive, considering it was the year of the pandemic!

Ken often said of his mom, “She is an amazing woman!” Indeed, she was! We already miss her deeply, but we are so grateful for her love of Jesus and the knowledge that she is whole and joyful in His presence.

“Nana” at our oldest daughter’s house with her six Missouri great-grandkids.

I met my dear friend Terry at a Bible study shortly before I turned thirty. I spent my thirtieth birthday having coffee with Terry in her cozy, welcoming home in the country. She was Ken’s age—a couple of years older than me and many years wiser, and I learned so much about strong marriages, good parenting, and walking with Jesus from watching how Terry did life.

Terry was one of those people who went out of her way to brighten the day of anyone she came in contact with. She did not know a stranger and if she did meet one, by the time they parted ways, they were friends. I used to tease her that I didn’t like going out to eat with her because we always seemed to run into numerous people she knew who were so happy to see her and wanted to “steal” from the brief time she and I had to visit.

Terry with her beautiful daughter, Deseri.

Terry was someone I could talk to about anything at all. She would listen well and answer honestly, even if what I needed was a bit of scolding or an attitude adjustment. And yet, she offered such an adjustment with such love and good intent that I could never be anything but grateful. She loved her family fiercely and they loved her in return. My heart breaks for how much I know Eric and her family are missing her and for how much of their lives she won’t be part of. And yet, I rejoice that Terry had a close relationship with the Lord and that there will be many joyous heavenly reunions to come.

These losses have shaken me deeply, but they have also made me treasure even more deeply the family and friends that remain. The losses have made me more determined than ever to live my own life in a way that brings glory to God and joy to my loved ones the way Shirley and Terry did.