The Fiver | Jumpy and paranoid to the point of not taking questions from papers

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Say what you like about Shed Reorganising, Car Boot Vacuuming and Old Episodes Of Quincy Watching’s Frank Lampard, but the recent run of five defeats in seven Premier League games that did for him wasn’t the worst in Chelsea’s history. Not by a long chalk. How about this string of results in 1980-81, from the start of December until the end of the season in May, and in the old Second Division to boot: 0-0, 0-2, 0-1, 0-2, 0-0, 0-0, 0-1, 3-0, 3-0, 0-4, 0-1, 0-1, 2-0, 0-1, 0-0, 0-1, 0-1, 0-0, 0-0, 0-2, 0-3, 0-2. They found the net in only three of their last 22 matches! If that sort of thing happened today, the steel toecap of Mr Roman’s Big Boot o’ Bye Bye would be worn down to a grade of foil not recommended for roasting.

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