The Fiver | An appointment with Mr Roman’s twitchy, well-scuffed sacking shoe

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Stamford Bridge is swathed in snow, but that’s not why Po’ Frank Lampard’s a-cold. Po’ Frank’s a-cold because Frank Lampard’s Chelsea have just issued him with Frank Lampard’s P45, Mr Roman’s notorious and oft-operated boot sending him bouncing eastbound along London’s fashionable King’s Rahd in style, his old school tie trailing in the breeze. Seems scraping past 10-man Fulham, eking out a turgid win against second-tier Luton, and having his coaching trousers washed, pressed and handed back to him on a silver platter by Brendan Rodgers wasn’t enough to save his dream job after all. Hey, it’s lucky Brenny gave him back those breeks, huh kids, because Mr Roman has hoofed him down the Rahd with some force and feeling. Imagine the neon chafing that would otherwise have occurred by the time he reached Sloane Square.

Related: Chelsea to appoint Thomas Tuchel as manager after Frank Lampard is sacked

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