Wanted a Ghost! (1869)

There was a lot of humorous poetry about Christmas ghosts. The one below, first printed in a British humor magazine, poked fun at an actual advertisement that was printed in London newspapers, as well as pretended mediums like Daniel Dunglas Home (1833-1886) and Mary Marshall (1842-1884). A small sampling of papers that reprinted it in the UK and US follows.

WANTED A GHOST!
"To Proprietors of Haunted Houses.—A few gentlemen wish to have the opportunity of visiting a house said to be haunted, situate in or near London, for the purpose of scientific observation."—(See Advertisement.)

WANTED a Ghost, of whatever variety,
Fitted to mingle in learned society:
Able to work on the feelings electric
Of savans devoted to themes dialectic!

Wanted—a house full of murderous hoards,
Bells autophonic and creakiest boards!
Regions by restless departed ones haunted,
That's what, to keep up the spirits, is wanted.

Wanted to sit up the whole of the night
Waiting the advent of goblin or sprite!
Wanted from t'other side Jordan to roam,
Vampires inclined for a go-in "at Home!"

Wanted some daemon to give us a note
What it is keeps airy DANIEL afloat!
Wanted at least elementary traces
What is the power that elongates his braces.

Wanted to know what on earth are the merits
That make MRS. MARSHALL affected by "sperrits."
Wanted to know why respectable dead
Come back to life at five shillings a-head.

Wanted old ladies and children to fright,
Waked up by cats in the dead of the night!
Wanted this age of inquiry to daunt—
That's what these pseudo-philosophers want.

Wanted to galvanise once and again
All the exploded old tricks of Cock Lane!
Wanted to make a white sheet and a post
Go down once more as a genuine ghost!

Wanted—how idle such needs 'tis to flaunt!
Blessed if I think they know what 'tis they want.
Wanted—it seems to me: don't it to you?—
Dialecticians want something to do!

Punch, or the London Charivari. December 11, 1869. 238.
The Spiritualist: A Record of the Progress of the Science and Ethics of Spiritualism 3(1) December 17, 1869. 21.
New York Times. December 25, 1869:
Charleston Daily News [SC]. December 30, 1869: 4 col 1.