The Up-To-Date Santa Claus (1904)

The below poem was published in the Chicago Record-Herald in December 1904, for which newspaper the author SAMUEL ELLSWORTH KISER (1872-1942) wrote poems and editorials. It was reprinted in a number of newspapers between 1904 and 1906, particularly in midwestern states. The song "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" (1979) was not the first to introduce a Santa Claus guilty of vehicular homicide!

THE UP-TO-DATE SANTA CLAUS.
—
Once more it was Christmas and old Santa Claus,
With his white whiskers dangling around his fat jaws,
Gave his engine a start, and then, laden with zeal
And with gifts, started off in his automobile.
He flitted past corners and whizzed up the lanes,
He ran over dogs and he smashed into trains;
He came with a zipp and he passed like a flash;
He scared people’s teams and knocked buggies to smash;
He ran over chickens and knocked chimneys down,
And spread consternation all over the town.
The odor of gasoline floated behind
Where he hurried as if on the wings of the wind;
He crippled old people and stayed not to see
How badly they fared or learn whom they might be.
The children who watched for his coming he crushed
Beneath his broad tires, as onward he rushed!
He scattered his gifts while he sped through the night,
Content to permit them to fall where they might.
The wrecks and the sorrow and suffering showed
The course that he took with his glittering load,
And, having gone home with his glad duties done,
He murmured: “I guess I’ve the records all won;
When they see where I’ve passed I don’t think that they’ll wait
Very long to admit that I’m right up-to-date!”