Valentine's Days Dos and Don'ts — a List of How-To's for the VD challenged
As much as I would like to blog about the Superbowl, I feel like I cannot without being a super obnoxious whiner. And then I thought about blogging about the Superbowl commercials, but I didn't think they were that awesome (see: favorite Superbowl commercials here
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).So in the spirit of not being an obnoxious whiner, today we're not talking about the Superbowl, but instead discussing Valentine's Days Dos and Don'ts for the romantically-challenged.
1. Chocolate is pretty much a universal VD do. And surprisingly enough, chocolate is most enjoyed when your special someone is dieting. Yes, I know, it seems counter-intuitive. Wouldn't the chocolate be full of calories and thus, should be avoided if you want to help your someone special stay true to the diet? Yes, that would be the case if Valentine's Day was about being achieving goals and focusing on being better people, but please note that Valentine's Day is NOT a holiday to encourage people perfection, it is a holiday that says, "I do not care if you're not perfect. You are perfect to me and I love you just the way you are" and nothing says *I love you, clunky thighs and all*, better than chocolate.
Love-loser!
2. Practical gifts are for love-losers. Are you a loser in love? Do you give your significant other toasters, dish pans, or even worse, vacuum cleaners? This is a hallmark sign of a love-loser. VD is a day to unlink the relationship between work and love. If you give your SO a practical gift, especially one that more easily enables *chores* then you are saying, "My love for you is a chore, and I picked this crappy gadget so that you can always remember how much of a chore it is to love me in return because I am a love-loser." Instead of gifts that are practical, or are used in the enablement of *work,* choose a gift that is used in the enablement of *fun.*
3. When choosing a VD eatery, avoid such common staples as Ihop, McDonalds, or Starbucks. Yes, I know that everyplace decent is crowded on Valentine's Day, but when you take your SO to an uncrowded venue, you are saying, "Sure, I love you, but no way am I waiting forty-five minutes before eating because I am STARVED and after a long day of work, I don't want to you know, have to make small talk." Valentine's Day is the perfect day to remember small talk. It is the perfect day to forget schedules or dental appointments or tax returns or that big Visa bill that needs to be paid. It is the perfect day to remember that your SO IS perfect and nothing in the world, not tax returns, nor dental appointments, nor schedules, nor Visa bills, can compare to the wonderment of them.
4. Be careful when giving undergarments. As a rule, men usually like to give undergarments for VD, because they think that VD is a day to get lucky. And if you are not a love-loser, you can get lucky on Valentine's Day. But when choosing undergarments, choose wisely. Choose an outfit that you can actually see your significant other actually *liking* to wear. It should not be too small, too itchy, too trashy. It should NOT have pithy sayings plastered on pixelated areas, nor ladies, should it contain pictures of Superheroes, cartoons, or cartoon appendages. Nothing says love-loser like wearing the Hulk's junk on your privates.
Fashion DONT -- Hulk get angry...
5. Always get a card. Yes, I know there are people that will say, "I don't need anything," but a card is the very least of the appropriate gifts for Valentine's Day. Cards can be funny or sexy or mushy or even blank (if for instance, you are a romance writer and know EXACTLY what to say). A card can be saved for years (yes, I have a file drawer full of cards). Or alternatively, if a relationship ends, a card can be trashed or shredded, or tossed into a roaring bonfire on the former lover's lawn!
So that is the list of Kathleen's Valentine's Days Dos and Don'ts. How about you? What's the worst Valentine's Day gift you gave or received? Are you a good VD giver, or are you a loser in love? Worst Valentine's Days stories? And remember, all comments are entered into that Kindle Fire giveaway — (an excellent choice for the SO in your life who loves to read).
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