Introducing . . . Erick Burgess

When I worked as a parole officer, it was difficult not to be in 'cop mode' all the time. I was constantly looking over my shoulder, being distrustful and paranoid about the people around me. The stress was killing me and breaking me down from the inside. I knew I had to make a change.

So I stepped out on a limb to follow my dreams. I am now a full-time writer, but one thing didn't change. I remain locked inside the box of my chosen profession. As a fiction writer, I lie for a living. I am paid to make up stories to entertain people. The problem is . . .

How do I turn that off?

When people ask you how you're doing, it's typical to respond in a positive way. No one wants to hear about your problems, right? Well, my problem is I take it to the extreme. When asked how I am. I always have to go out of my way to show just how well I am doing.

Maybe it's time for me to stop lying to myself and the people around me.

I don't plan on turning this into a pity party for myself or anything like that. I'm just being real. Maybe being real for the first time in my life. As I sit here in front of the computer, there is nothing to hide behind, no title or position, no friend or foe. Because when you really thing about it, isn't that the way we define ourselves: in relation to the things we try to hide from and the people we are trying to be. Several times in my 38 years, my perceived identity was ripped away from me. As a son, husband and then finally, as officer. Even the disease that changed my life tried to label me as a victim. When you are no longer what others have seen, what are you left with?

You are alone and afraid. Then you realize there is no one left to disappoint. There is no one to run from. There are no more excuses. All that's left is the cold, honest truth. Stripped naked of the perceptions of the world, you examine yourself as you should, with the only eyes that matter, your own.

2011 will go down as a defining year in my life. After I quit my job, I wrote a blog about finding my identity but there were still memories from my past holding me in secret. So secret in fact, I was unaware of them myself. It wasn't until the Penn State scandal that I was truly able to make a complete release. I let go of the final perception that kept me from being me. I'm not a victim or a survivor. I'm just me, Erick Burgess.

The labels I now chose to have are: father, writer, avid crime show watcher/reader, comic book enthusiast, Jack Bauer fan, nerd, geek, lover of old school R&B and jazz, future husband and future bestselling author.

The blog is about my journey to become all the things I was meant to be . . . join me.

Filed under: Journal, Writing