How to Stand Up for Yourself Respectfully
Y’all I feel bad. I think I feel worse for not feeling more bad. I know that may not make sense; so, let me get into this blog so we can get to the takeaways and suggestions.
I feel like I need to start with a disclaimer or an apology. But I’m not sorry. (I’m sure there’s a word for that.) I regret it happened, but my tongue is independent of my mind. Here’s how it went down.
COVID (yes, once again that hussy is mucking up stuff) has caused a lot of professional conferences and workshops to be cancelled. For professionals requiring annual training to maintain their professional licensure, this may be an issue. The licensing requirements haven’t been lifted or reduced. It’s similar to the college/university situation here. Students will be attending a shorter school year (at regular price, of course), but expected to do the same amount of work and learn the same amount of material in that reduced time. Nothing has been prorated. I do understand how prorating may cause a separate bundle of issues over a period of time, in that it may have people less trained/qualified serving in the professional roles and not meet professional standards. The counter argument to that is persons in these situations aren’t learning but storing information in short-term memory or finding ways to cheat to achieve goals on the reduced timeline. Insert a quick storytime (of course).
I’m not sure what grade I was in (maybe fourth), but I know I was in grammar school, we had the old-fashioned radiator heaters. (My school was built in the 1880s and modernized rarely.) The heat went out, and school was cancelled for several days until repairs could be made. That same year, there was an ice storm. Now, anyone who knows anything about the south understands that a little bit of ice can equal big problems. The city shut down, and for weeks people were without power. The school problem was that students are required to spend a specific number of minimal hours in school in order to advance to the next grade. The time out had to be made up somehow. My school decided to increase the school day by thirty minutes until the end of the year. I guess about halfway through this plan, some teachers discovered they were running out of time to cover all of the material in their lesson plans. The last weeks of school was like a sprint. There was tons of homework everyday in every subject. Students couldn’t ask questions because we had to “move on.” There were daily tests/quizzes.
I know someone is going to point out that is how it’s done in summer school. However, in summer school, students are limited to one or two classes per summer session. We had eight subjects—which is one reason I say that I didn’t really learn anything other than reading and basic math until graduate school where the focus was learning and retaining material. Before then, it had been a lot of memorization, regurgitation, and strategizing for passing standardized tests. My point is, in my opinion, it would have been more beneficial to learn less material well than be exposed to more material but learn less. But I digress. Well, kind of. This situation reeked of the same.
A workshop that I’ve attended several times in the past sent notification that they will be hosting a virtual conference this year. I noticed that there is a discount for groups and informed my coworkers who would be attending. So, we all did early bird to lock in our fee and received a discount of about $7.00 combined. Once registered, even if registrant doesn’t pay at the time of registration, they are locked into that price. (That will be important in just a minute.) Later, another workshop opportunity opened. After some calculating, I realized I would benefit more from the second workshop both professionally and financially. So, I inform my coworkers of this change in circumstance. And that’s when it hit the fan.
Four foot nothing, ninety pound nothing decides that she wants to demand that I immediately make a decision on if I will attend the first virtual workshop, as if it affected her. I point out to her that my attending or not attending would only affect her possibly by $7.00—money that she would have paid anyway had I not informed the supervisor about the discount. She was attending no matter what. Plus, her fees for early registration was locked. She would not be paying full-price, even if the $7.00 discount was added back to her registration fee.
This woman is an elder, and I’ve been taught to respect elders, but something in me snapped. I informed her that I would not be pressured by her or anyone else to make a decision that I was not ready to make before I had a chance to review all the relevant fact. I further informed her that I would be making that decision on my timetable and not some deadline set to me by her. I made it clear that I was “unapologetically” looking out for “my” best interest and would not be intimidated or bullied in any shape, form, or fashion by anyone that day or any other day.
Well, I shut everyone up, but I didn’t feel good about it. It never feels good when I once again have my inner demon rear its menacing Cerberus head and spit venom. I mean, it gets old. But the truth of the matter is that I work with a bunch of bullies who believe they are entitled to speak to anyone any way. There are supervisors who literally get into employees faces and scream at them, simply because the supervisor is having a bad day or wants to throw his/her weight around to impress someone.
Several year ago, a supervisor (who held a high rank) was supposed to come to my department at a set time. I informed my team and was ready to go. Later that day, I received a call from the supervisor’s secretary that the morning visit had been changed to the afternoon around noon. No, problem. I informed my team, and everyone rearranged their schedules. I received a second call at noon and was informed the supervisor was running late. No specific time was given. I waited with my team. After some time, I received another call that the supervisor would be even later. Then, I received a final call that the supervisor would arrive at 3:00 or 3:30. Team members had obligations than sitting in a conference room; therefore, I dismissed them with the instructions that I would page them once the supervisor was on her way.
There’s a shift change that begins at 2:00 for some staff. While that staff is part of my team, their line of supervision is different. Thus, their immediate supervisor is not my immediate supervisor. It then becomes my responsibility to make the new shift aware of this upper supervisor’s visit because that type of information is not always passed from shift to shift, especially since the first shift is not certain that the visit is going to happen. They have a schedule to follow, and it’s important that they have the information so that they can do what they need to do to be ready for this visit since it alters their schedules. I leave my paperwork in the conference room and head to the other building. I speaking with the floor supervisor when I hear my name. It’s approximately 3:15 at this point. I pop my head out the office and inquire who is calling me. The supervisor has arrived. I smile and greet her and the new consultant that she’s with. The supervisor asks me for the file, and I inform her that I need to retreat it from the conference room. To showboat, without warning, she points her finger in my face and begins yelling at me that I’m not prepared. And when I say yelling, I mean at the top of her lungs. Now, first the meeting is scheduled to be held in the conference room located in another building (where all meetings are always held.) She never went to the conference room. Instead, she entered the second building, deviating from usual procedure. The majority of team member offices were located in the first building. Thus, the team would not have been assembled in the second building unless specifically requested to do so, which had not been the instructions. Second, the secretary said it would be either 3:00 or 3:30. It was 3:15. So, either the supervisor was late, or she was early. Either way, she was not on time. Third, my team had been waiting for over two hours. Yet, this woman wanted to yell at me for not being prepared.
She caught me off-guard. Before I realized, I’d yelled back at her. At that point, I didn’t give a damn about my job. I mean, I had this bright cheery smile, happy to see her, and boom! She’s in my face yelling at me because something happened in another building with another team that I had nothing to do with or idea that it occurred and was none of my business. I’d never raised my voice to her, and it gave her pause. While she never apologized, she immediately lowered her hand and voice. The incident bothered me for weeks. I couldn’t believe that she would degrade me in such a way in front of staff. I think it shocked everyone who witnessed it.
And for many work environments, this type of behavior for supervisors and employers are deemed to be acceptable. As a matter of fact, in some work environments, this has come to be expected behavior. A former schoolmate who owns a few businesses in the area stated that he considers any employee who wants regular days off (a.k.a., a forty-hour work week) and paid vacation time to be “lazy.” (His positions pay minimal wage.) A local fast food restaurant refuses to hire any high school student who is involved in any school extracurricular activities, even if said activities would possibly conflict with no more than three dates out of an entire year the student being able to work. Employees have no recourse but to accept being spoken to like animals and inferiors. Labor laws do little to protect employees and even make striking and/or unions illegal. Employees tolerate being belittled and devalued because they need a job and many companies allow for firing without cause, eliminating the ability to sue for wrongful termination.
After returning to school and completing requirements for a bachelor’s degree, a former coworker resigned to accept a position that offered an increase in her current salary. She was interviewed and hired by the owner. The principle receptionist wasn’t there the day of the interview. On the first day at her new job, the receptionist (an older woman with self-esteem issues) took exception to the physical appearance of my former coworker. Despite my former coworker having a dress that came to her knees, the receptionist claimed it showed too much skin. The next day, the receptionist claimed that she was “too friendly.” On the third day, the receptionist reported this worker for not coding a file; although, she had not been trained on the coding system. The worker was terminated. This resulted in her not being able to pay rent, and her and her three children being evicted. They became homeless all because a malicious hag was jealous. The employer even said as much but stated it would be less conflict in the workplace if he fired her. He even apologized for letting her go.
So, what is one to do? The first step is deciding how much you’re willing to put up with. In this economy, jobs may be difficult to find. However, are you willing to sacrifice your dignity? Understand that standing up for yourself very well can land you a work reprimand or a pink slip. If you determine that you do want to defend yourself, keep reading.
Know your company’s policy. Read the handbook. Be familiar with the rules and ensure that you are following them. If you complain, employers may attempt to place the blame on you. They may accuse you of not doing your job. A former supervisor who complained being discriminated against intentionally was moved into a slot that she was not qualified for. She knew she was not qualified for the position and was being set up. She armed herself with knowing all the ins-and-outs of policies and procedures because everything she did was scrutinized closely. She performed decently for a while until a brown-noser came along with a sob story. He claimed his wife was dying and requested time off. He then took a vacation with his “dying” wife to Denver to visit a daughter. He didn’t have the personal leave time to cover his absence; although, he stated to her that he did. Normally, human resources are the ones who flag time issues. However, in this case, the supervisor was terminated for not realizing the employee had insufficient time. To save his own skin, the employee lied (and yes, there are witnesses that he lied) and said he had informed the supervisor that he did not have leave time. Previous similar situations all resulted in the termination of the employee, not the supervisor. But in regulations, it said that a supervisor was responsible for keeping up with the time of employees before approving leave. It was all the company needed to boot the supervisor out the door.Ensure that you are right. When someone comes for you, it’s easy to become wrapped up in emotions and to respond without taking responsibility for your part. Don’t just “think” that you are correct in the situation. Know that you are. In the situation with the supervisor pointing her finger in my face, I knew that I was not at fault because I had followed proper protocol and the supervisor had failed. She was in the wrong building at the time not stated.Document. Document everything. Keep detailed records of times, places, people present, and description of the incident. Keep all pertinent emails and memos.Witnesses. Having witnesses can be good or bad. If you are going to have witnesses, be sure these are standup folks. Some employees are easily intimidated and will turn coat in order to save their own jobs or to advance. Someone who you think will speak on your behalf may left you down. If the witness seems like a wishy-washy type person, don’t bank on that person for having your back.Move in silence. Do not let others know that you are documenting and keeping records of your mistreatment. It’s like playing poker. You do not want the other players to know the cards you’re holding before you’re ready to show your hand.Duplicates. Keep more than one copy of your documentation and put it somewhere safe. A female worker being harassed kept a log on her work computer. While she was off work, IT serviced her computer. Coincidently, files came up missing on her computer.Remain calm. Never lose your cool or say something that you will regret. Count to ten before responding. Maintaining a calm head highlights their bad behavior and shows you taking a higher road.Silence. This technique will make many turn-tail quickly, as it make them look foolish. Many irate people are attempting to provoke a response or emotion. However, when they do not get a response, they become more irate. Therefore, do not respond verbally or nonverbally. Give them no energy to feed off of. It’s the old adage of arguing with a brick wall. They will become even angrier. This pattern continues until they realize that they will not achieve their goal and that they look ridiculous in a situation. Eventually, they will go away. The best part about this is if the person is a coworker who has gotten in your face, the employer will only be able to reprimand you coworker.Default to humanity. If someone is yelling at you, remind them that you are coworker/employee and not a child or an animal. Calmly but firmly state that you deserve to be treated with the respect that any person would.Christianity. This may not work in some setting or with all employees. However, this is the Bible belt, and this technique works like a charm. Simply look the person belittling you in the eye and ask, “Do all Christians behave this way?” This usually stops most rants midsentence. No one likes being called out for being a hypocrite—especially not in front of other employees.Know the workplace harassment and discrimination labor laws and quote them verbatim. Inform them that they are violating your civil rights and that you will take legal action if they do not cease.
That’s my tips. Did any of this help? Have you ever had to defend yourself in the workplace? If yes, what happened, and how did it go? Let me know your thoughts and comments below. If you like this type content consider giving this post a like and follow.
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Taz has problems: a stalled career, a coach threatening to destroy him, a meddling matchmaking roommate, and a thing for his other roommate’s boyfriend. The first three are manageable, but the last… well, that’s complicated. Because as much as Taz is attempting not to notice Liam, Liam is noticing him. Grab your copy of Ice Gladiators at https://amzn.to/2TGFsyD or www.books2read.com/icegladiators.
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Defending the Net can be ordered at www.books2read.com/defending. Crossing the line could cost the game.
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Locker Room Love is a steamy standalone gay romance/ MM romance series revolving around professional hockey players. Set primarily in the Cajun and Creole bayous of south Louisiana, these love stories have a diverse cast of characters. These sexy athletes are discovering their own voice and the best romance of their lives, even if that isn’t their intention. Find tales of friends to lovers, enemies to loves, billionaires, bad boys, forbidden romance, first times, gay for you, and more. These alpha males are guaranteed to work up a sweat and melt the ice.
For more of my stories, shenanigans, giveaways, and more, check out my blog, Creole Bayou, www.genevivechambleeconnect.wordpress.com. New posts are made on Wednesdays (with bonus posts sometimes on Mondays), and everything is raw and unscathed. Climb on in a pirogue and join me on the bayou.
If you have any questions or suggestions about this post or any others, feel free to comment below or tweet me at @dolynesaidso. You also can follow me on Instagram at genevivechambleeauthor or search me on Goodreads or Amazon Authors or BookBub.
Until next time, happy reading and much romance. Keep safe.
Resources:
Gailxy/GailygrindHuffington Post QueervoiceJoe.My.GodRomanceRomance Writers of AmericaSouthern Writers of LouisianaSports RomanceTowleroad
