Reality TV 2030: Herpes, Sasquatch and the Bermuda Triangle

Hmmm, where will we hide
when reality TV stages its hostile takeover?

I have a recurring
nightmare in which I wake up a decade from now to the following entertainment
news: A landmark was reached in television
history today when the last program with paid actors went off the air.
Programming across all networks is now 100% Reality TV.

I foresee the major
networks announcing these spinoffs of established Reality TV franchises.

The
Expired Singer

In an effort to boost
flagging ratings, producers of The Masked
Singer are debuting a spinoff called The
Expired Singer. Terminally ill patients will be recorded on their deathbed
singing their favourite song. Judges will listen to the recordings emanating from
mouldy corpses on the stage and try to identify which corpse is the real deal.

Naked
and Afraid in the Land of Sasquatch

The 21st
season of the voyeuristic series, in which contestants engage in a 21 day,
naked wilderness odyssey, will feature a new twist. Contestants chosen
specifically for their low IQ will be told a $50,000 bonus prize is available
if they secure a photograph of Sasquatch. A $75,000 bonus prize will be awarded
if they convince Sasquatch to pose for a selfie.

Real
Storage Wars Housewives

The Storage Wars franchise merges with the Real Housewives franchise for this crossover series. Trophy wives,
who have spent more on plastic surgery than the average person earns in a
decade, will bid for storage lockers in Silicon Valley in the hopes of scoring
the contents of a designer shoe store. Celebrity auctioneers will include Julie
Chen and Donald Trump.

Big
Brother B.T.

In its record 33rd
season, Big Brother will return with
a new wrinkle. Contestants will assemble in a specially constructed house on a
raised platform above the ocean in the Bermuda Triangle. Evicted houseguests
will be tossed off the platform never to be seen again… until they
spontaneously reappear in the house as Walking
Dead zombies.

America’s
Got Herpes

The long running talent
show competition returns for the 2030 season featuring contestants infected
with herpes. Judges Simon Cowell, Howie Mandel, Heidi Klum and Sofia Vergara
will be protected behind a wall of Plexiglas while contestants perform in head
to toe biohazard suits to ensure the safety of all concerned.

Shakespeare said that
“all the world’s a stage” and men and women merely actors. By 2030, that famous
metaphor will take on a new meaning that will leave its author doing backflips
in his grave.

~ Now
Available Online from Amazon, Chapters Indigo or Barnes & Noble: Hunting
Muskie, Rites of Passage – Stories by Michael Robert Dyet

~ Michael Robert Dyet is also
the author of Until the Deep Water Stills – An Internet-enhanced Novel which
was a double winner in the Reader Views Literary Awards 2009. Visit Michael’s
website at www.mdyetmetaphor.com or the novel online companion at www.mdyetmetaphor.com/blog .

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