The Lie: I’ll Never Be a Good Mother

One of the biggest things my abuser took from me was my believing I could be a good mom. I wasn’t striving to be a great mom, or even a fun mom, I was simply striving to be a mom who was always there for her kids, one who raised them ethically, faithfully, and lovingly.  ​

My abuser knew that attacking my mothering skills hurt me to the core of my being. He knew degrading my emotional connection to our children was the most painful attack. He knew that if he broke my confidence in being a good mom, he’d win at destroying my life.  
Transforming from domestic violence victim to survivorMy first child was born in late April so he was only a few weeks old on Mother’s Day. My abuser acknowledged the day with a sarcastic comment: “You haven’t done enough to deserve recognition.” No card, no break for a few hours, no flowers. Nothing but total disrespect to my pregnancy and our new child.   
 
By the time my son was seven months old, my abuser was so frustrated with sharing me that he started hitting me to make sure I understood that he, my abuser, was my priority. Not our son. 
 
My abuser’s tactics were simple, but combined, they became overwhelming. He wore me down by not doing anything to assist in raising our children. Without any help taking care of the children or taking care of the household responsibilities, I became a tired robot stripped of any life.  

​I look back now and see how bad my abuser hated sharing me with the children. He showed his jealousy by increased physical and emotional abuse. Our daughter’s cancer regiment threw him over the edge and increased my abuse three-fold.  
Seeing Truth ClearlyAfter I left my abuser, I was able to step back from my heavy burden of guilt and look at my life more objectively. In doing so, I began to understand some important things. First, I had lost track of the prime objective of my leaving my abuser; to break the domestic violence cycle. The fact is that if I break that cycle and raise Christian children, then I am a good mom. God isn’t asking me to raise smart or athletic children; He is asking me to raise children who are being taught to be kind and to know Him. Second, I needed to get those all-important boundaries with my abuser firmly established and then get his voice out of my head before I could even see what being a good mother was all about.  Eventually, I learned that the foundation to all good mothering was truly loving my children and providing them with my compassionate support over the long term. As I have navigated through the past 15 years, transitioning from victim to survivor, I’ve learned that the more I leaned on God, the more I am able to give to my kids. I can see already the tangible results of God’s hand in breaking the cycle of abuse by the way they are all living their lives. Daily, I am reminded that prayer and actively seeking God’s guidance allowed me to do His work through my actions as a mom.  
 I still carry the internal scars and doubt of not being a good mom, but the blessings God has provided allows for me to stay focused on His purpose.  
Blessings to all, 
Sue 
Parents Passing AwayThis week is the one year anniversary of my mother’s death. I continue to miss her a lot.

Parkinson’s attacked my mom quickly. Her memory faded way too fast and her ability to understand life’s events faded even faster. She managed to tell me a few times before her cognitive abilities faded how proud she was of me. I will cherish her last words to me forever.Keep Reading