How Kind Are You to Yourself? A Healing Questionnaire

How easy it is to be hard on yourself, right? For many of us, it’s an ingrained habit, like brushing our teeth or washing the dishes. It’s something we learned in the dark days of our childhood traumas.

Back then, it appeared we had no choice. We had to just put and up shut up. And plan for the future. Meanwhile we internalized bucket loads of shame. So…here we are today.

Putting ourselves through the emotional ringer is just what we do. Especially those of us who are high achievers. Can you remember the last time you consciously gave yourself a break?

Because it’s also like breathing, we don’t usually see all that harshness. Our inner bully is a voice that just fades into the background … until we wake up one day. Then we notice that we are exhausted, miserable and life has a sad tinge of grey.

And this, friend, is where our self-care lives. Or doesn’t.

The answer is in self-kindness. How much do you have? Answer these questions as honestly as possible to get an idea. May the answers inspire your own path back to loving contentment … and beautiful self-care.

When you look in the mirror at yourself how do you feel?

 Happy
Accepting
Ashamed … I can barely look at myself
I try to avoid it at all costs




Do you sleep well?

Yes, like a baby
I am awake more than I’d like
I toss and turn regularly
I am a confirmed insomniac


Do you have a good network of support?

Yes! I do!
It’s not bad/pretty good
I’ve had some supporters but they’ve moved on
I do not have any kind of real support


Do you consistently agree to things you don’t want to do?

No… I can easily say no
Occasionally
More often than not
I seriously cannot say ‘no’ … it’s a problem


Do you create adequate time for yourself?

I do and I love it
Pretty often… and I could use more
Only occasionally
My life won’t allow it


When you make a mistake, how do you respond?

I decide we all make mistakes, and I forgive myself immediately
I try to move on but regret lingers
I usually decide it was someone else’s fault
I climb into a black hole of despair


How easy is it to ask for help?

Easy! I do it all the time
So-so … I have to get myself to do it. But I do!
Doesn’t happen often, if ever
I wouldn’t


Do you make time for fun? Hobbies? Your friends and family? The joy in life?

Yes, every day!
Pretty often … almost enough
Definitely could use more
Not really


When’s the last time you had a vacation or staycation or brief getaway where you were able to relax and get what you need?

Recently
Within the last year (and I could use another)
It’s been several years
I don’t really do that


Is there an inner-bully, bringing you down?

Not really
Well, yeah … but it doesn’t get much air time
My inner bully kicks in at least once a week
Consistently … yes


When you accomplish something, do you instantly begin to pick it apart critically? Or have trouble finishing it?

Never
Sometimes
Most of the time
All the time


Is it hard to really put yourself out there because of what people might say?

Not so much
Somewhat
Often (so I avoid it)
Always … I just don’t do it

To assess your self-compassion and kindness to yourself, take a look at how you answered the questions above. If you answered mostly 1’s and 2’s, chances are you’re not suffering too much from self-bullying. However, if you answered mostly 3’s and 4’s, the opposite could be true.

This is your opportunity to start anew, and begin crafting ways to celebrate who you are and how you move in the world.

Because, in fact, you are special. You are unique. And we all benefit from having you in this world.

If it seems hard to accept this idea, consider finding help from a therapist, life coach or spiritual teacher who can offer support. Your gifts are always best shared against a backdrop of your own loving inner voice. And, of course, this is the surest path back to your own serenity.

You’ve got this, friend. You do, indeed.

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