Pre-Internet Mating Tips

(Yes, I know you’re vacuuming, but where’s dinner?)
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In 1958, I was one year old. I knew one word, if you don’t count “moossutbupphpuss.” I had a promising number of hair follicles, a to-die-for knitted hat, and an exceptional Body Mass Index. I was moderately well-behaved, mostly because I couldn’t walk far enough to damage anything. And it would be at least four more years before I would get interested in “the fairer sex.”

But guys all over America were way ahead of me. In the ...