About my memoir
It's been brought to my attention that my stalker Winterfox aka Requires Hate aka Benjanun Sriduangkaew (etc, etc) has been tweeting about me again. Seriously, everyone, I know she tweets about me! You don't need to tell me!
Apparently this time it's about how my memoir All the Fishes Come Home to Roost, which is about my childhood in an ashram in India, is racist. I've written about this before, but it was a while ago, so I'll say so again: she's not wrong. Parts of it are racist.
It was published in 2005, but due to publishing lags, it was written around 2002-2003, which is eighteen years ago. I have learned a lot since then, and have a lot more still to learn. When I wrote it, I was going on the principle of "It's okay to make fun of everyone equally." But it's not an equal playing field, and a white writer making fun of white people does not have the same impact as a white writer making fun of Indian people. The facts of my childhood are facts; those can't be changed. But the phrasing of the facts was my choice, and a lot of it should have been phrased differently.
I'm not disowning my memoir. There's a lot of it that I think is good. But I've apologized for the hurtful parts before, and since the subject has come up again, I once again apologize to everyone who was hurt by it. The apology stands, and it will always stand.
A lot of life, or at least my life, is about trying to be a better person. That doesn't mean everyone has to like me, or care about my inner struggles. It's okay to not care. It's okay to not like me, for that book or any other reason. It's okay to say that the book is racist, or I'm racist because I wrote the book, or I'm racist in general if that's honestly what you believe.
It's not okay to stalk and harass me like Winterfox has been doing for the last ten years and continues to do. I think it's fair for her to say that book is racist. However, she's also accused me of many, many things that are flat-out lies. For instance, she's called me a pedophile, said I'm pro-child abuse, and just outright made stuff up about me. So if you're getting info about me from Winterfox, I suggest you look into it for yourself. That goes quadruple for info about other writers via Winterfox. If she's saying bad things about women writers of color especially, as they have been her main targets and she lies about them A LOT, for God's sake do your own research. She is not a reliable source.
I don't ask for forgiveness or absolution. But if you're concerned that I'm exactly the same person as I was eighteen years ago, I want to say for the record that I'm not. If you're worried that my truest self is my most asshole moment eighteen years ago, it isn't. And if you want to know if I still believe the most racist things I've ever thought, no, I don't.
I can't promise to never do or say or think anything racist again. I grew up breathing that air, and I know some of it's still in me. The same goes for all the toxic things we breathe in: sexism, homophobia, ableism, classism, ageism, anti-Semitism, etc. The best we can do is to promise to keep trying. I promise that.
comments
Apparently this time it's about how my memoir All the Fishes Come Home to Roost, which is about my childhood in an ashram in India, is racist. I've written about this before, but it was a while ago, so I'll say so again: she's not wrong. Parts of it are racist.
It was published in 2005, but due to publishing lags, it was written around 2002-2003, which is eighteen years ago. I have learned a lot since then, and have a lot more still to learn. When I wrote it, I was going on the principle of "It's okay to make fun of everyone equally." But it's not an equal playing field, and a white writer making fun of white people does not have the same impact as a white writer making fun of Indian people. The facts of my childhood are facts; those can't be changed. But the phrasing of the facts was my choice, and a lot of it should have been phrased differently.
I'm not disowning my memoir. There's a lot of it that I think is good. But I've apologized for the hurtful parts before, and since the subject has come up again, I once again apologize to everyone who was hurt by it. The apology stands, and it will always stand.
A lot of life, or at least my life, is about trying to be a better person. That doesn't mean everyone has to like me, or care about my inner struggles. It's okay to not care. It's okay to not like me, for that book or any other reason. It's okay to say that the book is racist, or I'm racist because I wrote the book, or I'm racist in general if that's honestly what you believe.
It's not okay to stalk and harass me like Winterfox has been doing for the last ten years and continues to do. I think it's fair for her to say that book is racist. However, she's also accused me of many, many things that are flat-out lies. For instance, she's called me a pedophile, said I'm pro-child abuse, and just outright made stuff up about me. So if you're getting info about me from Winterfox, I suggest you look into it for yourself. That goes quadruple for info about other writers via Winterfox. If she's saying bad things about women writers of color especially, as they have been her main targets and she lies about them A LOT, for God's sake do your own research. She is not a reliable source.
I don't ask for forgiveness or absolution. But if you're concerned that I'm exactly the same person as I was eighteen years ago, I want to say for the record that I'm not. If you're worried that my truest self is my most asshole moment eighteen years ago, it isn't. And if you want to know if I still believe the most racist things I've ever thought, no, I don't.
I can't promise to never do or say or think anything racist again. I grew up breathing that air, and I know some of it's still in me. The same goes for all the toxic things we breathe in: sexism, homophobia, ableism, classism, ageism, anti-Semitism, etc. The best we can do is to promise to keep trying. I promise that.
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