How to Publish a Novel in 18 Steps

Draft 50,000 words in two mad months. Convince self you are literary giant.
Lose focus, shelve draft for three years.
Discover the entire secondary plot is crap. Scrap it.
Rewrite over 18 months. 65,000 words of plausible nonsense.
Discover the entire new secondary plot is crap. Scrap it.
Rewrite over another year. Convince self you are not bonkers to have done so. 75,000 words.
Decide to publish in six months. Actually tell people that.
Get solid notes from beta readers. Rewr...