five minutes of my life

biscuit: Why does the Grinch hate Christmas?
me: I don't know. Maybe Santa ran over his dog once?
biscuit: Or maybe his heart is too small?
me: Yes, I suppose it could be a congenital defect.
biscuit: I think Darth Vader had one of those.
t.rex: Or maybe his bottom is too flat.
me: Maybe his bottom is WHAT?
t.rex: His bottom. It... it kinda flat. And too big. And hairy. It make him sad.
me: But why would that make him hate Christmas?
t.rex: Maybe it itches more at Christmas?
me: *totally straightfaced* Yes, maybe the Grinch hates Christmas because his big, flat, hairy bottom itches too much on December 25th.
t.rex: Or maybe his house fell down?
me: What does that have to do with Christmas?
t.rex: I don't know. Maybe his mom died. Or Spiderman came to put him in jail? Spiderman put the Vulture in jail. Vultures are green. We saw some vultures by the bookstore one time. You wouldn't let me pet them.
me: What... are we talking about?
t.rex: The Grinch. The Grinch, mom. His TV fell down and he knocked the glass down all over the place and--
biscuit: SUPER GIRL TO THE RESCUE! *rides by on her scooter in a nightgown, sunglasses, Mardi Gras beads, and giraffe slippers*
t.rex: *chases her, waving a sword and a gun* SUPER PUSS IN BOOTS G.I. JOE IS THERE! REAL AMERICAN HERO! MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE!
biscuit: Okay, now it's time for the Noisy Horse Tap-Dancer Parade.
me: Wow. Just... wow.
*