Desperate Need for God’s Loving Hug

This week has been extremely hard for me. It was only Tuesday night and I had to close my eyes for 20 minutes prior to talking with my Bible study friends on the phone. Even though it was only 6:00pm, my body felt like it was 10:30pm and I was late for bed.
 
Asking my daughter to set the stove timer and wake me up reminded me of when I used to do nap during my depression phase after I left my abuser. But, that was 14 years ago. 
Dealing with Anxiety from Abusive Relationship​Today, Wednesday, started off okay yet by 10:00am an anxiety attack hit me really good. It wasn’t the anxiety attack where I lose total ability to function; nope, it was like having a 99-degree temperature. Not sick enough to do something, but bothersome enough to be alert and ready to react.
 
Over the past eight hours I’ve alerted my co-workers, my children, and my husband. Something isn’t right in my mind. I went for a walk after work hoping that being outside would awaken my senses and it didn’t. I arrived home just as sad as when I started my walk.

I want to cry yet I don’t have any tears.I want to get mad yet I am numb. 
I am in an uncontrollable, heightened anxiety state and I can’t identify a specific trigger. This feels like a generalized, numbing attack on all my senses.
 
We’ve all been in an unknown world for over three months now. It’s unbelievably hard to stay prepared for all the unknowns! For me, it’s been extremely challenging to navigate all that is going on with my shattered coping skills.
 
As I write this I think “I should give myself credit for keeping some semblance of sanity for this long.” I smile; laugh; and think nah… my low self-esteem doesn’t allow for crediting myself for anything.
 
But writing does lead me to what I know to be true:

Sticking to my morning devotion and prayer time routine is of the upmost importance! There is no way I can process all that is going on in my community and state on my own; I must have God’s truth and grace as my foundation.Assuming these worldly unknowns is reminding me subconsciously of the days when I was constantly on alert due to the unknown mood of my abuser. I really need to filter how much news and social media I am watching and reading.To fill the counter the bouncing and racing thoughts in my head, I need to blast Christian music to drown the thoughts out. Having a Christian song stuck in my thoughts is so healthy, cheerful, and uplifting.I need to remember to write things down as my forgetfulness is hindering many pieces of my life. Writing items down and remembering where I wrote them are two different things; I need to make sure I have a system in place for my notes. 
I’d love to hear any recommendations that are working for others right now. Together I know we can get through this all,
 
Blessings,
 
Sue 
[image error] Lifting the Denial Surrounding Domestic Violence AbuseFor many of us, it’s being brought to the brink of death that provides the strength for us to leave our abuser. For others, we remain in our situations, wishing for the happier days to return, until the children start sounding like our abuser’s and question why we are not doing what we are being told to do. Regardless of what our reason(s) are for leaving our abuser, the significance of the decision is monumental. It signifies that the door to our denial surrounding domestic violence is about to be opened, and the journey to domestic violence survivor has “officially” begun
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