The Adventure: JPC ALLEN, "How to Describe Characters in Show Don't Tell"

How to Describe Characters in Show Don’t Tell

One of my favorite novels is The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton. And one of the reasons I like it so well is that the main character Ponyboy describes his older brothers and the members of his gang in great detail. In fact, a good chunk of chapter one is devoted to their descriptions. I've always liked getting vivid pictures of the characters in the first few pages. It makes the story come alive to me. But The Outsiders was written over fifty years ago. Today, those kinds of lengthy descriptions would be considered poor writing.

When I wrote my YA mystery short story “A Rose from the Ashes” for the anthology Christmas fiction off the beaten path, I was faced with the problem of how to describe characters in "show don't tell" without slowing down the story. I also had to describe them from the deep point of view of my main character (MC), nineteen-year-old Rae Riley. Those descriptions would not only tell readers how characters looked but something about how my MC saw them.
I hit on a combination of mentioning a few key traits and then a "handle", a description to sum up that character. I learned this technique from Michelle. As the story progressed, I'd dribble in reminder descriptions to help readers "see" the characters.
In "A Rose from the Ashes" from the anthology Christmas fiction off the beaten path, Rae is trying to uncover the identity of her father and if he was the attacker who tried to murder her pregnant mother twenty years before. Her late mother said only three men could be Rae’s father. I had to make those three male characters distinct individuals. Perhaps more than other MC's, Rae notices the physical traits of the men because she's looking for connections to her own characteristics.
I introduced one that is a professor this way: “Terence O'Neil was my idea of a professor. Over sixty, balding with a closely cut black and white beard covering cheeks that shook when he talked. He even smoked a pipe.”
The "handle" is Terence O'Neil looks likes Rae's idea of a professor, which invites the reader to think of their idea of a professor. Then I add some specific traits.
CONTINUED ON FRIDAY
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JPC Allen started her writing career in second grade with an homage to Scooby Doo. She’s been tracking down mysteries ever since. A former children’s librarian, she is a member of ACFW and has written mystery short stories for Mt. Zion Ridge Press. Online, she offers writing tips and prompts to beginning writers. She also leads writing workshops for tweens, teens, and adults, encouraging them to discover the adventure of writing. A lifelong Buckeye, she has deep roots in the Mountain State. Join the adventure on her Facebook, Instagram, or Goodreads.